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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart shows the percentage of people in one country, by age group, who visited one or more museums in 2006, 2011 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of people in one country, by age group, who visited one or more museums in 2006, 2011 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided bar graph compares data about the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 of different age groups, who had visited various
museums
Use synonyms
 in one country
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 three different years namely 2006,2011 and 2016. In the year 2006,
museums
Use synonyms
very
Correct your spelling
were
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 largely visited by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
age
Correct article usage
the age
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 group 55-64.
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
40% of the individuals from 55 and 64 had spent their time in
museums
Use synonyms
. During the same time period,
museums
Use synonyms
 were least visited by
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 of 35-44 and 45-54. Only 20% of them had gone to
museums
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 in 2011,
alike
Correct your spelling
like
show examples
 2006,
museums
Use synonyms
 were highly visited by
people
Use synonyms
inbetween
Correct your spelling
between
 55-64. 35% of
people
Use synonyms
 from
this
Linking Words
 age group had
visted
Correct your spelling
visited
 one or more
museums
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, during 2016,
this
Linking Words
 rate has been reduced to 30%. Another notable data is that a similar percentage of 30% of
people
Use synonyms
 from 25-34, 35-44 and 45-54 had gone to
museums
Use synonyms
 in 2011, and citizens above 65 are the least visited among all.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the previous years, during 2016, citizens
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 35-44
stand
Wrong verb form
stood
show examples
 at the top of the chart
whereas
Linking Words
 individuals over 65 stayed at the bottom.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, museums with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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