IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that national news is very important and we should be up to date with national news. However, some says international news is more important as we should stay up to date with that. Discuss both and give your opinion

Some people will argue that a nation’s updates
is
Change the verb form
are
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 of higher importance than the world’s
news
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.
And
Correct word choice
apply
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I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 claim since updating ourselves with our
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
’s updated
news
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 will
stimulates
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stimulate
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 us to take
actions
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action
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 and react effectively and in a timely fashion to the
news
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. Over the past decades, a nation’s growth
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 highly dependent on its people and their input into their countries.
Firstly
Linking Words
 listening to a
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country
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’s
news
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through
Change preposition
on
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 the Television or the radio
,
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apply
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 will
leave
Verb problem
have
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 a strong impact on the affected population.
For instance
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, if a certain part of the
country
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 is undergoing a harmful bug infestation of its agricultural land, the rest of the cities’ people especially the adjacent ones will react and help in limiting and isolating
this
Linking Words
 effect, not to expand and affect more lands.
Hence
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, it is very crucial that we as citizens are updated with the
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
’s
news
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, World’s
new
Fix the agreement mistake
news
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 is
also
Linking Words
 important
although
Linking Words
 less, since we can not take action related to it. But it is the government’s deal. To illustrate, if a specific
country
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 is attacking another
country
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, we are not involved as a nation. But the government could send an army to help the attacked
country
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.
That is
Linking Words
 why, for
me
Add a comma
me,
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 national
news
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 is far more important than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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international one. In conclusion, being attentive and updated
to
Change preposition
on
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 both national and international
news
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 is important. But at least one should spend
sometime
Replace the word
some time
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 reviewing his
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country
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’s updates. Which will eventually reflect on the
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
’s growth economically and academically.

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grammar
Make sure to proofread for small grammatical errors and typos, such as 'some says' which should be 'some say'. This will improve the overall professionalism of your writing.
content
To enhance the clarity of your arguments, consider providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your points about national and international news.
structure
The introduction could better outline the key points that will be discussed in the essay. This will help set the context for the reader.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion throughout the essay, which aligns well with the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of examples to illustrate the importance of national news is effective and contributes to the argument.
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