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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more students are moving abroad for higher education. There are people who think there is an advantage to it but a few say that there are some drawbacks as well. What can be the merits and demerits of studying abroad?

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Introduction
In recent years,
education
Use synonyms
 has gained significance with many people relocating abroad for tertiary
education
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 believe
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development,
while
Linking Words
 others argue
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 it benefits.
While
Linking Words
 studying abroad
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 quality
education
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 poses some drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as emotional struggles and loneliness.
These
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
 essay will explore
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 views.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there is no doubt overseas Universities teach with
advanced
Correct article usage
an advanced
show examples
 curriculum, which is more practical than local higher
education
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Cambridge University is
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 the most
prestigous
Correct your spelling
prestigious
 institution considered by Nigerians,
as a result
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, many Nigerian schools try to
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
cambridge
Change the capitalization
Cambridge
show examples
 methods and
syllabus
Fix the agreement mistake
syllabi
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
into teaching which often
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the student struggle to
follow-up
Correct your spelling
follow up
show examples
due to
Linking Words
varies
Replace the word
various
show examples
other curriculum
Change the wording
another curriculum
other curricula
show examples
 in place, meanwhile, when studying in United kingdom, student can easily followup because of the standardization in the implement.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, studying abroad can negatively affect students, particularly in terms of
emotion
Replace the word
emotional
show examples
 and mental stability. Many
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 abroad battle with
depressions
Fix the agreement mistake
depression
show examples
, which is mostly caused by loneliness.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no family members or friends around to communicate with.
For example
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Debrecen, Hungary, showed
majority
Add an article
a majority
the majority
show examples
 of international students struggle with depression and insomnia since they
arrived
Wrong verb form
arrive
show examples
Hungary
Change preposition
in Hungary
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 they could stay connected digitally, physical connections
serves
Change the verb form
serve
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 purpose.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
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 studying in a foreign country offers
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 quality of
education
Use synonyms
 which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
pragment
Correct your spelling
pregnant
fragment
. It
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some disadvantages
with include
Change preposition
including
show examples
 mental and emotional struggles.
Therefore
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, both benefits and challenges should
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 when making decisions about studying abroad.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain clarity and precision in sentence structure. Some sentences are convoluted and could be broken down for better understanding.
task achievement
Ensure to use consistent tense and grammatical structures throughout the essay to improve clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and details in both points to strengthen the argument and give the reader a clearer understanding.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of the merits and demerits of studying abroad, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of examples to illustrate points, such as Cambridge University, adds credibility to your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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