IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world-wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Recent research shows that when
a
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 spend too much time on the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. They
face
Verb problem
apply
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have less time
with
Change preposition
for
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 face-to-face interaction.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 some believe
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 opens up new communities, we should be concerned with a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
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socially
Change the adverb
social
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 interaction. I agree with
this
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 point;
However
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, in
this
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 essay, I will discuss both
advantages
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the advantages
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 and disadvantages of the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
To begin
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 with, the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 is arguably one of the easiest ways to meet with other
people
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. We can use social media
such
Linking Words
 as Snapchat, Instagram or Facebook to communicate with strangers.
In addition
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, we can easily get useful
idea
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ideas
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 from other
people
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such
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 as learning coding
form
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from
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 Reddit.
On the contrary
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, it can be harmful as well when used in
improper
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an improper
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 way. Nowadays,
people
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 spend too much time
with
Change preposition
on
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Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.To illustrate, if you had to wait for somebody what would you do
.
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?
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 Some will answer
do
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and do
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 nothing, but mostly they just play
their
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on their
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 phone.
As a result
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,
people
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 don't interact with each other as much as before.
This
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 should be
worried
Verb problem
a concern
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 because
people
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 might
unable
Add a missing verb
be unable
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 to live peacefully in
social
Replace the word
society
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 anymore. The general view has been that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 talking face-to-face with real
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 is important. We see each other
face
Fix the agreement mistake
faces
show examples
 and tones. We know what they might think.
This
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 is how we develop our thought process
weather
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whether
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this
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 word
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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 proper tones. Not just only text with no
feelling
Correct your spelling
feeling
.
To conclude
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, It is necessary to use the
internet
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 wisely.
Otherwise
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, you might face serious issues in the future. If we fail to fix the problem, it might be worse. In the future,
people
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 may have to communicate online only.
This
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 problem should be
concerned
Verb problem
addressed
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 and fixed as soon as possible.

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task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt clearly. You should balance both sides of the argument more evenly and provide clearer examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using transition words effectively between ideas. For instance, phrases like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'Conversely' can be helpful.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation errors, as they can distract from the overall message. Proofreading your work can help improve accuracy.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
Some good ideas about both advantages and disadvantages of the internet are presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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