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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with family, friends and colleagues are more important than work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Achieving personal
happiness
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 is deeply influenced by our relationships with family,
friends
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, and colleagues rather than work and wealth. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, as strong social connections provide emotional support and a sense of belonging that
money
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 and career success cannot replace. To start with, our family and
friends
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 are the only ones who lead and support us from the beginning of our goals and achievements. Without their help and encouragement, we would not achieve our goals.
For instance
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, the most famous football player, Ronaldo's mother, supported him from the beginning to reach
happiness
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, and it is known that he came from a poor family. With the support of his mother, Ronaldo is one of the richest players in the world now.
Therefore
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, he achieved his personal
happiness
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 with his family and
friends
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, and he
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 wealthy enough. Without the relationships of our loved ones, work and wealth would not bring us that joy and peace because, as it is well-known, '
money
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 cannot buy
happiness
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.'. If a person is extremely wealthy or a CEO of a huge corporate company but sits alone at night at his dining table, I do not see any peace or satisfaction in that picture. To give an example, a well-recognized car brand's son was found dead after he was alone for years,
although
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 he was extremely rich with
money
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. He was known to achieve anything he wanted, but he did not have anyone around him to share;
therefore
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, he took his own life. Our loved ones, family, and
friends
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 make us what and who we are.
To conclude
Linking Words
, personal
happiness
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 is believed to be achieved by family and
friends
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, and it is more important than wealth or work, and I completely agree. A person cannot be alone, happy, and rich at the same time because humankind is not meant to be alone. We need a community to survive, and any career or
money
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 will not change that.

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coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your topic sentences to clearly lead into each paragraph's main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow and interest of your writing.
task achievement
Provide additional examples or elaboration on key points to develop your ideas more comprehensively.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and supports it with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
The overall organization of your essay is logical and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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