IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose higher taxes on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In
the
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contemporary society,
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whereas
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more people feel that fast
food
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 is a delicious meal. In recent years, obesity and diet-related diseases have become major public health concerns worldwide. One of the main arguments in
favor
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favour
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 of taxing unhealthy goods is that it discourages consumption. When prices rise , people are less likely to purchase products that are high in sugar, fat and salt.
For instance
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, studies have shown that higher taxes on sugary drinks in some countries have led to a decrease in their sales. Despite its potential benefits, taxing unhealthy
food
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also
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 has several drawbacks.
First,
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such
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 taxes can affect low-income individuals. Healthier
food
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 options are often more expensive and increasing the cost of unhealthy
food
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 may make it harder for poorer families to afford sufficient meals. Many people proceed
consuming
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to consume
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 unhealthy
food
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 despite higher prices because of addiction to sugar and processed ingredients.
To sum up
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, increasing taxes on unhealthy
food
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 can be an effective strategy to promote healthier eating.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be stronger by clearly stating your position on the issue. Try to explicitly mention whether you agree or disagree with the imposition of taxes on fast food.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to your main argument. This will help with the flow of ideas and improve coherence.
task achievement
You mentioned the impact on low-income individuals but could provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen this point. Consider including data or references to studies for greater depth.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with punctuation, particularly with spaces before commas and ensuring sentences are not too abrupt. This may help improve the overall coherence of your writing.
task achievement
You raised valid points about both the advantages and disadvantages of taxing unhealthy food, showing that you considered different viewpoints.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as sugary drink taxes, adds credibility to your argument and engages the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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