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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure

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Today, kids have to endure more
stress
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in
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apply
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compared to past generations about things like education, the economy and being in society. there could be hundreds of causes for
this
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 problem like higher competition for university entrance exams or low self-esteem caused by financial
problems
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 and overuse of social
media
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. reducing exam-based pedagogy and focusing on practical education
instead
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 of academics, teaching financial management and reducing
their
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apply
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materialism, and parental control over social
media
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 use can reduce their
stress
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 and pressure.
Children
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's overuse of social
media
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 is one of the biggest
problems
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 in Generation Z. Oversharing data and pictures about their lifestyles can affect other teenagers' self-esteem negatively and put them and their
parents
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 under financial pressure. Meanwhile, advertising companies spend a huge amount of money to encourage them towards materialism and consumerism.
For example
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, Instagram, by targeting teenagers and showing trending content to them, forces them to keep up with trends. The government should enforce strict and restrictive laws for showing advertisements to teenagers and kids,
while
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parents
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 increase their control over their kids' use of social
media
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 and set rules on using these types of applications. The next thing that causes these
children
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 to
stress
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 is exam-based pedagogy and family and society's insistence on academic studies not practical ones. Meanwhile, the surveys show that people with academic education have difficulty finding a related job and face financial issues in comparison to people who have chosen a practical field and have become experts in their industry. The government, should allocate a budget for teaching people
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,
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especially
parents
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 in
this
Linking Words
 regard and
also
Linking Words
 reduce unnecessary exam restrictions. in conclusion, there are numerous factors that put unnecessary pressure on
children
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 in modern life. We can name overuse of social
media
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 and excessive academic pressures
cause
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that cause
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 health
problems
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 and
are highly
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high
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stressed
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stress
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 as examples. In both cases, the government and
parents
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, can manage these
problems
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 and reduce
children
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's
stress
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 by intervening directly or indirectly.

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further with examples or explanations to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clear topic sentences to guide readers through your paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Check your work for grammatical errors and ensure proper punctuation to improve the overall readability.
task achievement
You have identified relevant causes of stress and pressures on children, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reiterating the importance of addressing these issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • peer pressure
  • social media influence
  • advertising targeting
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental well-being
  • academic expectations
  • unrealistic standards
  • college applications
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