IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Opinions on food are changing rapidly and there are many who believe that everyone should follow a vegetarian diet because it would have a positive impact on our health and the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

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one of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that many
people
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 change their opinions about
food
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 and many individuals consider that a
diet
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 the best choice and it is beneficial for
health
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 and the
environment
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. It is undeniable that a vegetarian
diet
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 has become an essential part of a healthy lifestyle. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both these points of view and argue
this
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 opinion.
Firstly
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, it is well known that a vegetarian
diet
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 is the best way to a healthy lifestyle. What I mean here is that it enhances your
health
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 and keeps you fit.
For example
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, more vegetables obtain fine vitamins which develop our immunity and help us not face
health
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 issues. Vegetables and fruit are a significant part of a vegetable
diet
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 that many
people
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 start to become healthy.
In addition
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, humans consume fast
food
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 and sugar
that is
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 harmful to our organism and they become overweight. A vegetarian
diet
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 assists in reducing overweight
people
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.
On the other hand
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, it can
also
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 be argued that a vegetarian
diet
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 attains benefits to the
environment
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.
That is
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 to say, the number of
animals
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 is reduced
due to
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 humans adding
this
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 to your meal.
For instance
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, many
people
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 consume
animals
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 as
food
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 and it harms the
environment
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. Many farmers face issues that
animals
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 are not enough for farm activities which slows down the process of vegetables and fruit.
Furthermore
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,
animals
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 are vital for the
environment
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. They use
animals
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 not only for
food
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 but
also
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 for useful activities.
People
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 can use hours like vehicles and cows for milk. A vegetarian
diet
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 increases the figure of
animals
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 which live in
this
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 world. In conclusion, many
people
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 change their
diet
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 to healthier foods is the best idea for
health
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 and the
environment
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. I would agree that a vegetarian
diet
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 demanding for everyone, but it is a necessary aspect of life and
also
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animals
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly express your opinion in a straightforward manner. Your position should be obvious in the introduction and the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more structured approach to organizing your paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main point and include a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Try to enhance your examples by providing more detailed and relevant information to support your arguments better.
task achievement
There are several good ideas presented, showing awareness of both health and environmental aspects of a vegetarian diet.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall purpose and succession of thoughts, indicating understanding of the topic discussed.
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