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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries
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the line graph illustrates the
percentage
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 of people aged 65 and more living in
Japan
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 ,
Sweden
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 and
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 from 1940 to 2040 overview, it is clear from the graph that there was a significant increase in three countries over
this
Linking Words
period
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.
however
Linking Words
,
japan
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 had the strongest change from the smallest figure to
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 up to the most
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surprising
suprising
Correct your spelling
surprising
 number the number of population aged 65 and over in
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japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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 had a slow decrease from 5
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percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 to about 3
propotion
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proportion
promotion
 during the
period
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 of 40 years from 1940 to 1980.
by contrast
Linking Words
, the data of
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sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
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 and
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usa
Correct your spelling
USA
 grew up considerably over
this
Linking Words
period
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 of time .
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sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
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 rocketed from about 6 to 14 units
Rephrase
,
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as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
Use synonyms
usa
Correct your spelling
the
 rose between 9 and 15
percentage
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 the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
 of older people
lived
Wrong verb form
living
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 in
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japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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 had a gradual increase from about 3 units in 1980 to 8 in 2020 . similar to
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japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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, the elderly
lived
Wrong verb form
living
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 in
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sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
show examples
 tended to go up significantly from about 14 to 20 from 1980 to before 2020.
nevertheless
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same
period
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 , there was a levelling off
at
Change preposition
apply
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in
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usa
Correct your spelling
USA
.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
period
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 between 2020 and 2040, the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
population
Add an article
the population
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 aged 65 and over in three countries had
a
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apply
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substantial growth . the nation with the first
percentage
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 in 2040 is
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japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 with
Correct your spelling
about
abour
Correct your spelling
about
 27%, the second is
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Change the capitalization
Sweden
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sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
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 with 25% and
finally
Linking Words
 is
usa
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 with 23%

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, japan, sweden, usa, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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