IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is ok to put the needs of humans over environmental concerns. While others feel that protecting the environment should be prioritized. Discuss both views and what is your opinion?

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Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of technology, more and more natural
resources
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been
taking
Wrong verb form
taken
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 for individuals' demands.
Whereas
Linking Words
 some people
look
Verb problem
think
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upon
Change preposition
that
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 taking advantage
from
Change preposition
of
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 the environment should
be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented
show examples
, others refer to it as something acceptable. As for my perspective, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the former and the reasons will be elaborated on thoroughly as follows. An array of factors might lead to why society
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 natural
resources
Use synonyms
 for granted.
To begin
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 with, many countries tend to
adopting
Change the verb form
adopt
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resources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as gas, metal, agricultural items and so on to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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populations'
Change noun form
population's
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 needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, Saudi Arabia
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dug more
14
Change preposition
than 14
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%
space
Change preposition
of space
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 soil to catch the oil from 2010 to 2020.
Secondly
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,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 should
reliance
Replace the word
rely
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 on natural
resources
Use synonyms
 to live.
That is
Linking Words
,
humans
Use synonyms
 cannot exist without water, food,
electronic
Replace the word
electronics
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 etc.
On the other hand
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, as far as my concern, protecting the environment is
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
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 priority. First of all, nature is the origin of
humans
Use synonyms
 and animals;
however
Linking Words
,
humans
Use synonyms
 have been occupying too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 living spaces and sources to develop technology, leading to climate change more severe and some rare species are almost disappeared.
For example
Linking Words
, the amount of polar bears plummeted dramatically in
this
Linking Words
 industrial era.
Moreover
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, if we do not have enough
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
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 to apply and allocate, our planet will be destroyed and every species
cannot
Verb problem
will not
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 survive eventually.
To begin
Linking Words
 more
specific
Change the word
specifically
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,
humans
Use synonyms
 should prevent excessive consumption of natural
resources
Use synonyms
,
than
Correct word choice
so that
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 Earth can become more sustainable living. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, environmental sources ought to be protected primarily because of the jeopardised biodiversity and all genres' living rights.

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task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction and make sure your thesis statement is explicit and reflects both views and your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs, possibly by using clearer transition phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that are relevant and clearly support your points. For instance, giving details about how humans can protect the environment would make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of word choice and sentence structure. Some phrases may be unclear or awkward, which can hinder the reader's understanding. Consider revising for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You connect the importance of natural resources to human survival effectively, which shows good critical thinking.
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