IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many scientists believe that we can now study the behaviour of three-year-old children to see whether they will become criminals. To what extent do you think crime is determined by human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Scientific
Add an article
The scientific
show examples
 community has
opinion
Add an article
an opinion
the opinion
show examples
 that we can study
Use synonyms
behaviour
Add an article
the behaviour
show examples
 of three-year-old children to see whether they will become
criminals
Use synonyms
. I am convinced that crime is determined by human nature
due to
Linking Words
 awareness of actions. The following paragraphs will discuss
is
Correct word choice
whether is
show examples
 it possible to stop kids from becoming
criminals
Use synonyms
 and how exactly
childhood
Use synonyms
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 individual's
behaviour
Use synonyms
 in the future. Today’s society takes
criminals
Use synonyms
 as guilty individuals, who committed a crime against
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
, but what needs to
do,
Verb problem
be done
show examples
 in order to
becoming
Change the verb
become
show examples
 guilty of the offence?
Scientific
Correct article usage
The scientific
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
ask
Wrong verb form
have asked
show examples
 themselves
this
Linking Words
 question for many generations, suggesting that
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
childhood
Use synonyms
 of the offenders. Many individuals know,
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
childhood
Use synonyms
 is the foundation of the human's
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and worldview that can change as well
due to
Linking Words
 growing up. American psychologists decided to conduct research among their patients,
age
Correct word choice
and age
show examples
 groups of offenders. As
Correct article usage
a results
show examples
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
, most
Use synonyms
childhood
Fix the agreement mistake
childhoods
show examples
 of
criminals
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not
so
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 awful as specialists thought, but from their experiences, the offenders started to think about it, was in their teenage years.
The
Correct article usage
An
show examples
 effective method to reduce a percentage of chance
to become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
 a criminal among teens is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper education.
Through a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 stable environment is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 powerful way to prevent teens from being
criminals
Use synonyms
. These conditions demonstrate
children
Change preposition
to children
show examples
 what kind of people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 better in society.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
recently
Change the adverb
recent
show examples
 study that scientists from Denmark conducted,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
showed that
learning-friendly
Correct article usage
a learning-friendly
show examples
 environment
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
risks
Correct article usage
the risks
show examples
 of aggressive
behaviour
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is evident that
influence
Correct article usage
the influence
show examples
 of
childhood
Use synonyms
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a major role in
behaviour
Use synonyms
.
Providing for
Change preposition
By providing
show examples
 kids
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
supportive relationship and mental healthcare, society
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 children from becoming involved in crimes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these ways have essential roles in reducing offences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your position on both parts of the question. You might want to state explicitly whether you believe crime is determined by human nature alone or if other factors are significant as well.
coherence and cohesion
In some areas of the essay, the logical flow can be enhanced by using appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas. For example, transitions between ideas could be smoother, which would improve the overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that your conclusions restate your main points and clearly express your final thoughts on the topic. More emphasis on how your arguments support your overall opinion would strengthen your conclusion.
content
You have presented an interesting viewpoint on the role of childhood in determining future behavior, demonstrating critical thinking about the subject.
content
The use of research from psychologists and studies adds credibility to your arguments, which is a strong aspect of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: