IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

While some people think that art is an important subject for children to study, others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate about whether
children
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 should study
art
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 in
schools
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 or if it is a waste of time for them.
while
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 some argue that studying
art
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 is unnecessary for
school
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-aged
children
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 and that they should
focus
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 on scientific
subjects
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, others believe that studying
art
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 is as important as other topics in
school
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 and helps increase the students' creativity. I completely agree that
art
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 is
necessary
Add an article
a necessary
show examples
 subject for every child and should be part of each
school
Use synonyms
's curriculum. Some think that teaching
art
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 in
schools
Use synonyms
 is entirely useless and
children
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 should
focus
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 on other
subjects
Use synonyms
 like mathematics, physics or
chemistery
Correct your spelling
chemistry
. They believe that in the modern world,
schools
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 should prepare
children
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 for higher education in order to help them secure a reliable job and teaching
art
Use synonyms
 in
schools
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 distracts students from core
subjects
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.
For example
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, studies show that
children
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 who start reading, writing and mathematics at an early
ages
Correct the article-noun agreement
age
show examples
, can pass
elementry
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elementary
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schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 faster and enter university sooner than others
normaly
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normally
 do. Meanwhile, others believe that teaching
art
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 is crucial for all
children
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round
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around
show examples
 the world. teaching arts like playing music or painting, not only
help
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helps
show examples
children
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 to express their feelings and reduce their stress
level
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levels
show examples
, but train their
mind
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minds
show examples
 to react faster and
confidently
Correct quantifier usage
more confidently
show examples
. Playing musical instruments requires a lot of practice and self-awareness and practicing these can increase
children
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's
focus
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 level and attention span significantly.
For instance
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, the late Maryam Mirzakhani, an Iranian mathematician stated several times that one of the main reasons she could
focus
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 for a long time on her
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
 was that her father forced her to play the piano for long periods each day. She
also
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 used to listen to piano music when she needed a high level of concentration for a practical problem. In conclusion,
while
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 focusing on core
subjects
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 in
school
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 is completely necessary for
children
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, removing
art
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 from the
school
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's curriculum prevents these
children
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 from the massive benefits that they can gain by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
art
Use synonyms
.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and closely related supporting details to enhance coherence. For example, you can refine topic sentences to clearly connect the ideas presented in each paragraph.
cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using transition words to improve the flow between ideas. This can help guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic of the essay and presents a strong personal opinion, providing a solid foundation for the discussion.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the reference to Maryam Mirzakhani, effectively supports the argument for the importance of art in fostering creativity and focus.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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