IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some feel that movies and TV shows are a good way to study history despite their lack of historical accuracy at times. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Regardless of some inaccuracies, the sources of entertainment, including films and TV series,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 considered as best by a segment of society. These sources provide great visuals and storytelling techniques that assist the viewers
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
 it immediately. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss the same.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the first supporting point is learning with amazing audio-visual quality. In most cases,
history
Use synonyms
 is regarded as one of the monotonous courses by the learners.
This
Linking Words
 approach will enhance their interest in the events that happened in the past.
For instance
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research conducted by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Oxford University in London found that 95 per cent of youngsters are now aware of historical events as they
watched
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in the
movies
Use synonyms
 or TV shows.
Hence
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
streaming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 channels on Television
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 the youth to learn about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ancient
history
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the attractive story-telling broadcasted by the channel operators
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
 the people of all
age-groups
Correct your spelling
age groups
show examples
 to learn the
history
Use synonyms
 quickly.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, if they have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 depth knowledge of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
historical matters, they can contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To illustrate it, a
survery
Correct your spelling
survey
 was conducted in 2005
figured
Correct word choice
and figured
show examples
 out that the students who learnt the tradition from
movies
Use synonyms
 had more knowledge as compared to the pupils who studied from books.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, people can remember
history
Use synonyms
 more rapidly by watching it through
movies
Use synonyms
 or videos. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
 and TV shows can represent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
historical stories in a better way
due to
Linking Words
 the use of their
expectional
Correct your spelling
exceptional
 story-telling techniques.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position in response to the prompt. Instead of saying, 'I am going to discuss the same,' specify whether you agree or disagree and to what extent.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and elaboration for each point. The provided examples are somewhat generic and could be made more compelling with more specific details or case studies.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs, helping the reader follow your argument more easily. For example, linking words like 'Additionally' or 'Moreover' can clarify the relationship between points.
coherence and cohesion
Correct typographical errors such as 'survery' (should be 'survey') and 'expectional' (should be 'exceptional') to enhance the overall professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
You effectively identified key benefits of using movies and TV shows as educational tools for studying history, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with distinct introductory, body, and concluding paragraphs, which aids in coherence and flow.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: