IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

How does the writer use language to describe the storm?

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The title of the
text
Use synonyms
 is "
death zone
Correct your spelling
Death Zone
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" reflecting
a
Correct article usage
an
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 imagery of
Correct article usage
a horifying
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horifying
Correct your spelling
horrifying
 area at the start . The writer
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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of
Change preposition
apply
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the
numebrs
Correct your spelling
numbers
 in the opening sentences to describe the fact that
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 height "5,360" metres ,it is a cheerless place which describes
unpleasurable
Correct article usage
an unpleasurable
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 environment . Alliteration is used as "sudden squalls" which
this
Linking Words
 rhythm is about something mysterious or feary and conveys
the
Correct article usage
a
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 sense of
fears
Fix the agreement mistake
fear
show examples
 for readers.In approaching sentences it mentioned
Correct word choice
that tha
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tha
Correct your spelling
that
the
 catastrophe is flowing like
a
Change the article
an
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 apocalyptic event which
moved
Wrong verb form
moves
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 in scary ways and
described
Add a missing verb
is described
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 as moving silently and swiftly toward them ,so ,these sentences create a sense of
fearful
Correct article usage
a fearful
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 scene in plus
of
Change preposition
to
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huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 sculpture
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the people .Another beautiful alliteration is "mightiest mountains" which is
transfered
Correct your spelling
transferred
 that the watchers have been paused
,
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apply
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because the repetition "mm"
is looked
Wrong verb form
looks
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 like a sound of disability in a speech . There are many beautiful
personification
Change to a plural noun
personifications
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 for the
mountatin
Correct your spelling
mountain
mountains
,
storm
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 ,ice-clad and hurricane that they are like a group of people who have
strugling
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struggling
 together as racing ,
however
Linking Words
 , these
describtion
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description
descriptions
 has not
apoitive eefects
Correct your spelling
positive effects
 and is mentioned as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
apocaliptic
Correct your spelling
apocalyptic
 which has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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happened. the
text
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 implies mythological icons
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 "Shiva " and "Nemesis " who
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not any power to control
this
Linking Words
 hurricane or
storm
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 and it means these beliefs
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not a chance to tolerate
in
Change preposition
apply
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natural
dysaster
Correct your spelling
disaster
disasters
 for the people who have been faced with a
hurch
Correct your spelling
harsh
 atmosphere. the scream of the
storm
Use synonyms
 is another metaphorical inference
is like
Verb problem
apply
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that the
storm
Use synonyms
 has a voice .The
text
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 has been used
of reporting
Change preposition
to report
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of climbers in
total
Add an article
a total
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 of
thirthy
Correct your spelling
thirty
 who 8 of them were dead and described the statical issue to show there is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
huge mortality toward
this
Linking Words
 climbing ,it is
informative
Add an article
an informative
the informative
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 language for a
readet
Correct your spelling
reader
 to explain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Everest and its valleys were not safe ,even for the professional climbers.
This
Linking Words
text
Use synonyms
 is non-fiction
text
Use synonyms
 ,with many adjectives ,adverbs and superlative
grammeral
Correct your spelling
grammar
 structure to narrate the specific area
where
Correct word choice
that
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 is not safe anymore.

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language
Improve spelling and grammar for better clarity, especially for words like 'horrifying', 'cheerless', 'unpleasant', 'catastrophe', 'apocalyptic', and 'mountain'.
coherence
Create clearer topic sentences and transitions between points to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
content
The use of literary devices like alliteration and personification adds depth to the analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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