IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that traditional culture can be destroyed as money-making attractions to tourists. However, others believe that it is the only way to save traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Traditionall
Correct your spelling
Traditional
Traditionally
culture
Use synonyms
 has recently brought close to citizens'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 by marketing through profitable, commercial resorts. In my view, marketing can be beneficial to liven
culture
Use synonyms
 with the main focus on
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 propaganda. Some people argue that the charm of
culture
Use synonyms
 can be undermined
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 incorporating
into
Correct pronoun usage
it into
show examples
 profitable attraction. It is inevitable that sellers may pay more attention
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the trade value of
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 products
instead
Linking Words
 of their internal value, leading to a situation
Change preposition
in that
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 people are attracted by the beautiful package and marked price, giving less attention to the
culture
Use synonyms
 itself.
However
Linking Words
, others maintain that marketing can help preserve traditional
culture
Use synonyms
. It seems that
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation may not have the incentive to explore old things,
expecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 in the era of technology where most individuals are attempting to catch up with the latest and
cutting-edged
Correct your spelling
cutting-edge
show examples
 products and information. In
this
Linking Words
 case, cultures are being marginalized
endangered
Correct word choice
and endangered
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, using marketing as a way to introduce
culture
Use synonyms
 to the public can be necessary. From my perspective, forging
culture
Use synonyms
 into profitable attractions to travellers is conducive to
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 traditions only in a way that
culture
Use synonyms
 is not overly commercialised. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, interesting cultural items can be
poduced
Correct your spelling
produced
 to capture tourists' interest.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the marked price should be set in a proper range that most people are willing to pay.

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task achievement
Consider developing your introduction by explicitly stating your position at the end of the paragraph and summarizing both views more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words (e.g., 'firstly', 'furthermore', 'in addition') to enhance the flow of your ideas and improve coherence within paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to support your points about the impact of commercialization on traditional culture.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it effectively, especially in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view of the topic, which is a strong point.
task achievement
You have a clear personal opinion that adds to the discussion, demonstrating engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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