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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The process diagram depicts the process of preparing smoked
fish
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the smoked
fish
Use synonyms
 preparation is a linear process consisting of 13 key stages. It begins with catching the
fish
Use synonyms
 and ends with distributing the end products to the
fish
Use synonyms
 shops. Freezing
is taken
Wrong verb form
takes
show examples
 place in two stages
while
Linking Words
 preparing the
fish
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
,
fish
Use synonyms
 are caught from a
fish
Use synonyms
 net. After, it is transported to the port by a fishing boat. Following that, the raw
fish
Use synonyms
 is put
in to
Join the words
into
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 a freezer, before being put in the fresh water.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it is cut open.
Then
Linking Words
 it is sent to a stage where
salt water
Correct your spelling
saltwater
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 and yellow
coloing
Correct your spelling
colouring
 is added. In the next stage, once the
fish
Use synonyms
 has smoked, it is again kept out in
to
Change preposition
apply
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a freezer at 0 degrees. After being kept the
freezed
Correct your spelling
frozen
show examples
fish
Use synonyms
 in a cold store, it is
then
Linking Words
 picked up by the distribution vehicle. In the final stage, the vehicle is
then
Linking Words
 delivered the smoked
fish
Use synonyms
 to places, where
fish
Use synonyms
 shops are located.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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