IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Modern technology has a great impact on environment. Some say that people should adopt simple life style to avoid this problem, while others argue that technology itself should provide the solution. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is obvious that these days new technologies help our daily
life
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,
In contrast
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, There is a huge
impact
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 on our planet. The question is new
sciences
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 have a large negative
impact
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 on
a
Remove the article
apply
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nature and some tend to come back to traditional
life
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instead
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 of letting it solve by itself. I do not agree with
stoping
Correct your spelling
stopping
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 using advanced
technology
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 for many reasons. In
this
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 essay, I am going to show details of both sides and give my opinion. In terms of adopting a basic
life
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 in order to avoid any
impact
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 coming from new technologies.
in other words
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, modern technologies are making our
life
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 easier than before,
However
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 nowadays We face issues with the environment because of that.
Moreover
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, Some people believe that we should stop using or less using planes and cars
also
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 factories In order to help our planet.
For instance
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, Egypt stopped using any
technology
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 which had made a negative
impact
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 on nature,
Therefore
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, Their environment is getting better than before.
On the other hand
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, new
sciences
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 ought to solve problems which made it. We have been using
technology
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 too much recently,
In addition
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, We will not be able to live without it,
Therefore
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,
It
Correct pronoun usage
We
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 should find solutions for the negative
impact
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. new
sciences
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 can make the planet better than before.
For instance
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, Korea has faced many problems because of modern
technology
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,
However
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, They decided to let it solve by itself, And now they have advanced
technology
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 without a huge
impact
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 on the environment. In conclusion, I would argue that new
sciences
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 can solve problems which come from them.
Also
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, There
are
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is
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 more a positive
impact
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 than a negative
impact
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.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the issue but could benefit from more balanced exploration of both sides. Ensure that each viewpoint is sufficiently developed.
coherence
Try to improve the flow of your sentences and paragraphs by using linking words and phrases more effectively (e.g., 'however', 'in addition'). This will help your ideas connect more logically.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples that illustrate your points. This adds credibility to your arguments and helps the reader understand your perspective better.
coherence
Check your use of punctuation and capitalization. For example, 'In contrast, There is a huge impact...' should have a lowercase 't' for 'there'.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion and have provided a structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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