IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that activities done in a person’s free time should be planned, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. think that
people
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 should
plan
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 all
activities
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 they want to do in their leisure
time
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, in spite of that others disagree.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and argue why I think planning for free
time
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 is a good idea. Planning all
activities
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 that
people
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 like to do in their free
time
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 represents two main advantages. The first is using the limited
time
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 more efficiently. It is evidence that
time
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 is a limited resource and if individuals do not
plan
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 all their
activities
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 previously, not only do they lose
this
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 worthwhile resource, but
also
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 they likely cannot do all the
activities
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 they want. The second is the effect of planning on coordination in group
activities
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.
Sometimestimes
Correct your spelling
Sometimes times
people
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 prefer to spend their leisure
time
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 with their
close-knits
Correct your spelling
close knits
show examples
. In
this
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 situation, if there is
not a
Rephrase
no
show examples
 previous
plan
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,
people
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 cannot coordinate with each other because they do not know what others want to do.
For example
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, my friends and I went on a
trip
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 two years ago, but since we had not planned the
activities
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 we would like to do on the
trip
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, I did not take my boots. So we could not go climbing at that
time
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.
On the other hand
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, some believe that we should not
plan
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 for our free
time
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. They argue that planning is a
time
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-consuming process.
In addition
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, individuals usually want to enjoy their moments in their free
time
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, so it is better that they abandon planning and only enjoy the moment.
For instance
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, one of my friends always tells me, that it is not important what we want to do on a
trip
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, the only thing
that is
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 important is going on to
trip
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that in their free
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time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 individuals should put their mind at ease and only relax without any previous planning, I think planning can help
people
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 to use their
time
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 more
efficiency
Replace the word
efficiently
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic clearly, but it could be more engaging. Consider starting with a general statement about the importance of leisure time.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs have a logical structure, but some sentences are a bit awkward and detract from clarity. Consider revising for smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, consider explaining more about how planning can enhance group activities.
task achievement
You present a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which is a strong point in your essay.
task achievement
Your examples are relatable and illustrate your points well, enhancing the personal touch of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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