IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that activities done in a person’s free time should be planned, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some
individuals
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 think that
people
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 should
plan
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 all
activities
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 they want to do in their leisure
time
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, in spite of that others disagree.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and argue why I think planning for free
time
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 is a good idea. Planning all
activities
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 that
people
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 like to do in their free
time
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 represents two main advantages. The first is using the limited
time
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 more
efficiency
Replace the word
efficiently
show examples
. It is evidence that
time
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 is a limited resource and if
individuals
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 do not
plan
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 all their
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 previously, not only do they lose
this
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worth
Replace the word
worthwhile
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 resource, but
also
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 they likely cannot do all
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activities
Correct article usage
the activities
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 they want. The second is the effect of planning on
cordination
Correct your spelling
coordination
 in group
activities
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.
Some
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Sometimes
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times
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people
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 prefer to spend their leisure
time
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 with their close-knits. In
this
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 situation, if there is not a previous
plan
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,
people
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 cannot
cordinate
Correct your spelling
coordinate
to
Change preposition
with
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 each other because they do not know what others want to do.
For example
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, my friends and I went
to
Change preposition
on
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 a
trip
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 two years ago, but
scince
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since
science
 we had not
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plan
Wrong verb form
planned
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 the
activities
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 we would like to do
in
Change preposition
on
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 the
trip
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, I did not take my boots. So we could not go climbing
that
Change preposition
at that
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time
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.
On the other hand
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, some
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that we should not
plan
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 for our free
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
. They argue that planning is a
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time-costing
Correct your spelling
time-consuming
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 process.
In addition
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,
individuals
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 usually want to
engoy
Correct your spelling
enjoy
 their moments in their free
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, so it is better that they
abonden
Correct your spelling
abandon
 planning and only enjoy the moment.
For instance
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, one of my friends always
tell
Change the verb form
tells
show examples
 me,
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 is not important what we want to do
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
trip
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, the only
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
that is
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 important is going
to
Change preposition
on to
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trip
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
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times
Change the noun form
time
show examples
individuals
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 should put their mind at ease and only relax without any
previouse
Correct your spelling
previous
 planning, I think planning can help
people
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 to use their
time
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 more
effeciancy
Correct your spelling
efficiency
.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction that summarizes your main argument. This helps to guide the reader through your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with supporting details, and transitions between paragraphs can improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Errors in spelling, especially with common words, can distract from your arguments. Proofreading can help eliminate these mistakes.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic and the ability to engage with different perspectives.
task achievement
Your use of personal experience in your example is effective and adds a relatable touch to your argument.
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