IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Both governments and individuals are spending vast amount of money on protecting animals and their habitat. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. To what extent do you agree?

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Some argue that governments and people should invest in human society and its problems
instead
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 of spending a huge amount of
money
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 on protecting
animals
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 and their
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
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.
This
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 essay strongly disagrees with
this
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 statement
,
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apply
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 and believes that the earth belongs to all its
human
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humans
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 and
animals
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 and they should co-exist. Not paying enough attention to
animals
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 or their habitat and investing and spending
money
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 only for human society and problems, can lead to
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animals
Change the noun form
animal
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 extinction and an imbalance the nature.
This
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 lack of balance can
also
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 be dangerous for human existence on the earth. A group of people thinks that investing and spending
money
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 for human society issues,
such
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 as health problems or removing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poverty has a higher priority than allocating budgets or individual help for protecting
animals
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. They claim that
while
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 we can save humans around the world, saving
animals
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 and protecting them is not
a
Correct article usage
the
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 right thing to do and all charities and funds must be spent on humans and
human related
Add a hyphen
human-related
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organazations
Correct your spelling
organisations
.
For example
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, in many developing countries, charities and organizations focus on providing basic requirements for people in need. They Provide medicine, tools and devices to clear the water or air and
foods
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food
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,
instead
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 of funding animal shelters and wildlife protection programs.
On the other hand
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, others believe that spending
money
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 on
animals
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 and their habitat is as necessary as spending on humans
,
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apply
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 and that it is both
individual's
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the individual's
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 and government's duty to take care of our planet and anything and anyone who lives
in
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on
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this
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 planet.
For instance
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, it is correct that
animals
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 or
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 related charities or
organization
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organizations
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 are one-third of
human related
Add a hyphen
human-related
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 organizations but they actively take
a
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apply
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good care
about
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of
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 injured or endangered
animals
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. In conclusion,
this
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 essay believes that
while
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 social issues
such
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 as poverty or health care are important and should be actively protected, protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 and even other living beings on earth is a social duty for each individual and government.

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coherence
The introduction is clear, but try to rephrase your thesis statement to make it more engaging and precise.
coherence
Make sure to clearly link your paragraphs with transition words to enhance the flow of your ideas. For example, using 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' can help connect opposing views more effectively.
task achievement
When making a point about the neglect of animal welfare leading to extinction, consider providing specific examples or statistics to support your argument. This will strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Attempt to elaborate on the counterargument by providing more nuanced points that reflect on the balance between human and animal welfare investments.
task achievement
The essay has a clear viewpoint and presents the argument effectively in favor of protecting animals alongside human issues.
coherence
The conclusion summarizes the main points well, reinforcing your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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