IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that it is better for a country's economy for people to spend money, while others believe that it would be better for people to save money. Discuss both view and give your opinon

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There has been
argue
Change the verb form
arguing
argued
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over whether
people
Use synonyms
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 for
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the
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economic prosperity of the nation or
it
Correct word choice
whether it
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 would be better for
people
Use synonyms
 to save
money
Use synonyms
. Some
people
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 think spending more
money
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 on buying goods and
services
Use synonyms
 boosts
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economy
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the economy
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 , which is true.
However
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,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue,
saving
Correct word choice
that saving
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money
Use synonyms
 for themselves is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
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 idea for any
uncertanity
Correct your spelling
uncertainty
 in the future. I personally believe , both the points have valid reasons but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 should
be go
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go
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 side by side as saving and spending both are necessary for
country
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the country
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 and as an individual. Undoubtedly,
circulation
Correct article usage
the circulation
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 of
money
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 plays a crucial role in
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economy
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economic
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 success.Spending
money
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in
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on
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 purchasing goods and
services
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 boosts Gross Domestic Production(GDP), leading to open of more new businesses , employment rate increases and
Correct article usage
an
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increase in stocks which result in
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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economy
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 and society.
In addition
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,
increase
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an increase
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of
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in
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 sales and buying
services
Use synonyms
 will eventually generate revenue for the government in the form of taxes which lately may be invested in healthcare, education and building better infrastructure for
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the
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public.
Although
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 spending
money
Use synonyms
 on goods and
services
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 is a good way to support
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
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economy
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, excessive spending without thinking about
uncertanity
Correct your spelling
uncertainty
 in the future can lead to debt.Saving
money
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 is
Rephrase
as neccessary
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neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 as spending, if
people
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 do not save
money
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then
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 surviving would not be possible when financial crises happen
such
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 as recessions or
any pandemic
Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
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.
For example
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, in
Covid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 19 most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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businesses shut down leading to losses of
thousands
Add the preposition
thousands of
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 jobs ,
Correct pronoun usage
which
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this
Linking Words
leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 to big financial crises for many
people
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 .Even though the government supported all workers who
got
Verb problem
were
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 affected , only those survived who had savings . In conclusion, it is true spending
money
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 is a perfect way to support and boost
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
economy
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 and it is necessary to do that
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
However
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, the benefits of savings
also
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 can not be overlooked especially ,the support it
give
Change the verb form
gives
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while
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 facing financial issues.I think
people
Use synonyms
 should adopt
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
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 approach , where they should spend 70% of their income
while
Linking Words
 saving
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of it.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer by rephrasing it to better outline your main points. For example, you could state the necessity of finding a balance between spending and saving right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Develop the conclusion further by succinctly summarizing the main points made in the body paragraphs. This will reinforce your arguments and provide a stronger closure.
task achievement
Ensure to check for grammatical errors and typos. For instance, the phrase 'the benefits of savings also can not be overlooked' would be smoother as 'the benefits of saving cannot be overlooked'.
task achievement
While you provided good examples, including specific data or citations could strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling. Consider mentioning other instances where saving was crucial beyond COVID-19.
content
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of both viewpoints regarding spending and saving money, showing awareness of complex economic issues.
content
The use of relevant examples, such as the financial impact of COVID-19, helps to illustrate your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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