IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Universities
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 are playing a vital role in producing quality
education
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. Where gender equality is still debated as a social issue. I think
universities
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 should play neutral in the name of the human
right
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 to receive
education
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, both male and female
students
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 have the same
right
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 to perceive
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of
education
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. Whether the subject that they choose is more suitable for
men
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 or women. The engineering faculty, basically, is more suitable for
men
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 rather than women.
However
Linking Words
, it doesn't mean female
students
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 cannot compete with male
students
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 as engineers. Another example is that,
for
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apply
show examples
nursing faculty, mostly female
students
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 study
in
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apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 faculty.
However
Linking Words
,
universities
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 cannot forbid it if some male
students
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 want to study nursing.
In addition
Linking Words
, it will enhance the diversity
in
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of
show examples
 gender
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the real workplace after they graduate.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all
universities
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 should give the same opportunity
between
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to
show examples
 male and female
students
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. Regardless of gender,
universities
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 as
education
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 providers should consider the intelligence of
students
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 as a main standard to enter the
universities
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. As long as
students
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 can pass the exam to enter the university, they have the
right
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 to receive
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
show examples
education
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 and develop their skills.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
universities
Use synonyms
 should help
students
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 to achieve their dreams and develop their skills to be ready
in
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for
show examples
 the real world. In conclusion,
education
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 is a basic human
right
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. Whether the major is more suitable for
men
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 or women is just a general assumption of people. I believe both
men
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 and female
students
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 have the same
right
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 to pursue their dreams.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion but could benefit from elaborating on your main points with more examples or evidence. Consider including statistics or studies that support your views on gender equality in education.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Sometimes the transitions between sentences and paragraphs feel abrupt. Using linking phrases can enhance the coherence of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction presents the topic, but the thesis statement could be clearer. Try to explicitly outline your stance on the issue right at the beginning.
Task Achievement
You have made a valid argument that education is a human right and that both genders should have equal opportunities.
Task Achievement
Your essay reflects a balanced view on the topic, considering both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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