Some people believe that family is crucial in developement of children, some other say that external factors such as television, mobile and friends play important role. Discuss both views

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Folks nowadays consider that the family plays an important role in the

overall

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growth and advancement of a juvenile

however

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opponents think that other factors

such

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as music,

friends

Use synonyms

and TV set are more crucial in their life. In the upcoming paragraphs, I would like to shed light on both viewpoints. Family is considered to be the most important part of a

child

Use synonyms

's life as the kid spends most of his time with his family from an early youth. The

child

Use synonyms

learns from his home. The actions and habits acquired by the family members are inherited in the offspring. As he does whatever he sees.

For example

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, if there is violence and abuse at home or between the parents, the youngster learns the same things from his childhood and

then

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repeats the same things when he becomes an adult. The action always comes from when the kid sees, what is happening around him. He will surely try to imitate and

as a result

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, lead to a stressful life. Sometimes, after seeing the fighting and beating at home, the

child

Use synonyms

becomes fearful that he did not even come to face the world. Other factors

such

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as receiver ,

friends

Use synonyms

and music as well have a huge impact on the juvenile's

overall

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personality improvement. As parents are nowadays

workaholic

Fix the agreement mistake

workaholics

show examples

, they leave their

Use synonyms

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

with

station

Fix the agreement mistake

stations

show examples

mobile

Correct word choice

or mobile

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or ask them to play out. They watch, listen and see, and

then

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act upon the things.

The childhood

Correct article usage

Childhood

show examples

adolescence

Correct word choice

and adolescence

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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not

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adulthood to understand and

then

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react. In

this

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age, there is only one reaction.

For example

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, if the minor has

friends

Use synonyms

who are drug addicts, it's obvious that the

child

Use synonyms

will

also

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become addicted to it

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because the company affects the nature and habits of the

child

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Similarly

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, in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

previous era, there was not much invention of audio and mobile so the children used to play with

friends

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and were unaware of the nudity, but in

this

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era, they watch and play with mobile phones which impacts their visualization and thinking power. They think what they see and hear. In conclusion, I would say that

Remove the comma

apply

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both the family and external factors play an imperative role in a

child

Use synonyms

's development. If parents give their children the proper time

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apply

show examples

and keep an eye on what they watch on television or mobile and with whom they play, their

overall

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advancement of children will not suffer.

kinderpreet51Thu Mar 13 2025

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task achievement

Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to succinctly present your perspective on the topic.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are quite long and may benefit from being broken down into shorter sentences to enhance clarity.

task achievement

Ensure that all ideas presented in the essay are well-supported by specific examples or explanations to strengthen your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure that all terms used are accurate (e.g., 'receiver' should be 'devices' or 'screens'), which can improve clarity.

task achievement

You provided a balanced discussion of both views, which is essential for this type of essay.

task achievement

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and offers a thoughtful perspective on the matter.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

400 words

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Some people believe that family is crucial in developement of children, some other say that external factors such as television, mobile and friends play important role. Discuss both views

Your opinion

Some people believe that to be successful at a sport, you need natural ability, ‎and others think that hard work and practice can make you successful. Discuss ‎both views, and give your opinion?

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live.