IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is a vital thing
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone
life
Use synonyms
 saving is
must
Correct article usage
a must
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 irrespective of
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
, and it
more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 important for adults, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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for secured
Change preposition
secure
show examples
future
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
. I
completelly
Correct your spelling
completely
 support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement, and during
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will share my thoughts aligned to
this
Linking Words
 subject that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have encountered in my personal experience.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people should understand the value of
money
Use synonyms
 that plays
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 role in their lifetime that lives in the world. Many of us earn massively
during
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
 and spend for
unwnated
Correct your spelling
unwanted
 material needs.
However
Linking Words
, they
missed
Verb problem
failed
show examples
 to save for
future
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 leads to struggles and
uncomfortable
Correct article usage
an uncomfortable
show examples
life
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 old
age
Use synonyms
.
As
Correct your spelling
A
show examples
 recent study shows that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults spend their
money
Use synonyms
 for their own immediate pleasures and not for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to huge questions
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their upcoming
life
Use synonyms
 to meet
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unpleasent
Correct your spelling
unpleasant
Use synonyms
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. To avoid
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, the parents should teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 at
small
Correct word choice
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 to
culitivate
Correct your spelling
cultivate
 the habit of saving for
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as we grow in our
life
Use synonyms
, we should be mature enough to study the financial
situation
Use synonyms
 of the country that will help us to invest our
saivng
Correct your spelling
savings
saving
 in many ways. As the global crises
every
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
 where there is a job downsizing in many organizations,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will lead
Change preposition
to uncertanity
show examples
uncertanity
Correct your spelling
uncertainty
 in our jobs. To overcome
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of unprecedented
Use synonyms
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 we should save our
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
 so that we can
boldy
Correct your spelling
boldly
 encounter any financial
situtation
Correct your spelling
situation
.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, during old
age
Use synonyms
 we should have enough amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to
met
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 the medical
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
. We should not depend
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 anyone like our
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 or relatives. If we have good enough
saving
Replace the word
savings
show examples
 we will
be respect
Change the verb form
be respected
show examples
 by our
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 and by society. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, it is better to save as much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 during at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
 to avoid
Correct article usage
the dependancy
show examples
dependancy
Correct your spelling
dependence
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 others.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will create wealth for your
future
Use synonyms
 generations that can always remember you.
Hence
Linking Words
, I am supportive
to save
Change preposition
of saving
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 at any
age
Use synonyms
 that can yield much
fruits
Fix the agreement mistake
fruit
show examples
 at
later
Add an article
a later
the later
show examples
 stage of
life
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction could be more succinct and clearer. Consider rephrasing to directly state your position on the importance of saving money for everyone's future, including young people. A clearer, more direct introduction can set a stronger tone for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to your main argument. This will improve the overall logical flow of your ideas. For example, each point made in the body paragraphs should be explicitly tied back to the importance of saving.
Task Achievement
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors. Words like 'completely', 'unwanted', 'children', and 'cultivate' have typos. These small inaccuracies can impact the overall impression of your essay.
Task Achievement
In each main point, aim to include more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. For instance, when discussing financial crises, you could reference a specific crisis and its impacts on saving habits, making your points more relatable and impactful.
Task Achievement
You effectively highlight the importance of saving money and its impact on financial security later in life. Your personal experience adds authenticity to your argument, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both younger individuals and adults, showcasing a comprehensive viewpoint on the topic. This demonstrates an understanding of the broad scope of the discussion around saving.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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