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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sports activities by youngest and oldest populations in the US in 2015.

The chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sports activities by youngest and oldest populations in the US in 2015.
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The bar chart illustrates medium
hours
Use synonyms
 spent daily by
teenagers
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 and elderly people in leisure and sports activities in the US in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, It is clear from the chart that watching TV is the most popular activity among both elderly people and
teenagers
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.
Oldest
Add an article
The oldest
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 population has the highest
Use synonyms
hours
Correct quantifier usage
number of hours
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 spent per
day
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in
Change preposition
apply
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watching TV, which is almost double
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
teenagers'
Change noun form
teenagers
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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with 4,5
hours
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 and 2,4
hours
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 respectively. Reading books and novels comes in second place by
elerly
Correct your spelling
elderly
 people with 1 hour spent by a
day
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 as
opppose
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opposed
oppose
 to
teenagers
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 with less than 0,5
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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 per
day
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. It is obvious that
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
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 population has quite less
powers
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power
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 than energetic youngsters,
thus
Linking Words
 they prefer relaxing and thinking and spend just over 0.5
hours
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 per
day
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 doing nothing.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
teenagers
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 prefer to spend their free time doing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 exercises for 0,6 per
day
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 which is entirely different from elderly ones with 0,3
hours
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 per
day
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. Another popular leisure time activity among youngsters is using their computers for entertainment purposes for 1,2
hours
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 per
day
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 which is
also
Linking Words
 popular among
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 with 0,5
hours
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
 socializing and communicating bar is more or less the same from both perspectives with approximately 0,8
hours
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soent
Correct your spelling
spent
 per
day
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, teenagers, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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