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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)

The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)
The picture
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the
water
Use synonyms
 circulation as a
cycle
Use synonyms
 from liquid to gas. In an overarching view, the
water
Use synonyms
 is the main resource, where produced
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
cloud
Fix the agreement mistake
clouds
show examples
 and rain.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
cycle
Use synonyms
 is driven mainly by solar energy and go in to many phases
such
Linking Words
 as evaporation, condensation,and precipitation . At the beginning of the
cycle
Use synonyms
, heat from the sun causes
water
Use synonyms
 from oceans
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and evaporate, turning liquid
water
Use synonyms
 into
water
Use synonyms
 vapour in the air. As the warm, moist air rises and
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to condensation, during which
water
Use synonyms
 vapour forms clouds. When the clouds are full of
vapor
Change the spelling
vapour
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, Could formation
is release
Wrong verb form
releases
show examples
 precipitation
such
Linking Words
 as rain and snow to fill the lake, returning
water
Use synonyms
 to the Earth’s surface. Some of
this
Linking Words
water
Use synonyms
 flows over land as runoff, eventually reaching rivers and oceans.
This
Linking Words
 underground
water
Use synonyms
 may slowly return to surface
water
Use synonyms
 bodies, completing the
cycle
Use synonyms
. In comparison, evaporation and transpiration move
water
Use synonyms
 into the air,
while
Linking Words
 precipitation and runoff bring
water
Use synonyms
 back to the Earth.
This
Linking Words
 helps the
water
Use synonyms
cycle
Use synonyms
 continue.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, cycle with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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