IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below give information on the number of participant for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selection and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below give information on the number of participant for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selection and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph illustrates, the
parcticipation
Correct your spelling
participation
 of people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 at a social centre, which is located in Melbourne, Australia Between the years 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Number
Correct article usage
the Number
show examples
 of participants in
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 at
top
Add an article
the top
show examples
 over the entire time
period
Use synonyms
.
while
Linking Words
 the participation in amateur dramatics significantly reduced and hit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rock bottom.
Film
Correct article usage
The film
show examples
 club has the highest number of participants and remained stable
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the
period
Use synonyms
 of 2 decades with around 60 to 70 participants.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people performing Martial arts stood at second position
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2015. And they didn't
flactuate
Correct your spelling
fluctuate
 much
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the time
period
Use synonyms
 , as they were around 30 to 40.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
partcipation
Correct your spelling
participation
 in amateur dramatics rapidly dropped from the year 2005 from slightly lower than 30 to lower than 5
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, table tennis and musical performance saw a growth in interest.
As the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 table tennis saw rapid growth from 2010,
while
Linking Words
 musical performance saw the start of participation from 2005 which dramatically rose from 0 to slightly around 20.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation
  • trend
  • activity
  • community centre
  • increase
  • decrease
  • comparison
  • spikes
  • drop
  • year-to-year
  • prominent
  • overall
  • summary
  • features
  • data presentation
  • analysis
  • observations
  • popular
  • engagement
  • demographics
  • social activities
  • attendance
  • historical data
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