IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With a great variety of social networking websites, people often add complete strangers to their lists. Do you think that this tendency helps people to find new friends or it's just a mean to increase their self-esteem. Justify your opinion with relevant examples.

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Online communities are very helpful in
make
Verb problem
bringing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
people
Use synonyms
 together. In
this
Linking Words
 era, everyone is using media to refresh his mind and communicate with others. A
person
Use synonyms
 prefers
this
Linking Words
 to find out
friends
Use synonyms
 and boost
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
her self-respect. I think
this
Linking Words
 is a good platform to recognize true
friends
Use synonyms
 and I am going to discuss my other viewpoints
along with
Linking Words
 examples in upcoming paragraphs. To commence that, nowadays, most of the
people
Use synonyms
 love to spend their quality time in front of the screen. They check
digital
Correct article usage
the digital
show examples
 identification of others and send them friend requests.
Than
Replace the word
Then
show examples
 other
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 follow the same taste
people
Use synonyms
 and make
friends
Use synonyms
 forever.
Moreover
Linking Words
, A
person
Use synonyms
 mentions everything in her bio like her profession, hometown, habits, and dislikes. So it is very easy for other
people
Use synonyms
 on interactive media to check her profile and make
companion
Correct article usage
a companion
show examples
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side, social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very powerful
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
self- respect
Correct your spelling
self-respect
show examples
 and knowledge. An individual feels much better and confident after using these social sites because he can clear his multifarious doubts and learn new things on a daily basis.
furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
discovers
Change the verb form
discover
show examples
 many things on various public networks and these are helpful to survive life in an appropriate manner. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
 that, a
person
Use synonyms
 can openly speak on any topic in front of anyone after getting
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 from
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 internet. In my opinion, we can look
new
Change preposition
for new
show examples
 and
geniune
Correct your spelling
genuine
friends
Use synonyms
 very easily with the help of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 websites because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 technical era,
people
Use synonyms
 are doing most trust on online things comparatively offline.
For example
Linking Words
, I did
research
Add an article
a research
show examples
 study in 2018 on how
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation makes
friends
Use synonyms
. The thesis showed that 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
youth
Change preposition
of youth
show examples
 use social media sites to search
loyal
Change preposition
for loyal
show examples
fellow
Fix the agreement mistake
fellows
show examples
. In a nutshell, It depends on luck sometimes we get best
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 after sending
request
Add an article
a request
the request
show examples
 and following
for
Change preposition
up for
show examples
longer
Add an article
a longer
the longer
show examples
 period of period. Some
people
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 these sites to gain knowledge and polish skills.

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Task Response
Your introduction presents the topic well, but it could be more precise in stating your opinion clearly. Try to include a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main body has distinct points but lacks clear transitions between them. Ensure each paragraph starts with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea and use linking phrases to improve flow.
Task Response
Some points are repetitive, such as mentioning both friendship and self-esteem in separate contexts. Aim to differentiate your points more clearly and avoid repetition.
Task Response
Your examples could be more specific and detailed to strengthen your argument. Instead of general statements, consider adding specific incidents or statistics to back up your claims, particularly in relation to self-esteem.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the main question of whether social media helps in finding friends or boosts self-esteem, showing an understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You provide a personal example of a research study which helps to illustrate your point about youth and social media use, which adds credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social networking websites
  • complete strangers
  • foster genuine friendships
  • like-minded individuals
  • illusion of popularity
  • self-esteem
  • professional networking
  • collaborative opportunities
  • depth and quality of relationships
  • privacy invasion
  • fraudulent activities
  • social skills development
  • social isolation
  • cultural exchange
  • broader worldview
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