IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motor-bike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, every person should have driving skills for their life. A statement claimed that the minimum
age
Use synonyms
 for driving should be added to ensure safety,
whereas
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 others don'
t
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 agree with
this
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 statement. In my opinion, I fully agree with those who have
this
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 statement
due to
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 many young
people
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's accidents. There are several reasons why I agree with adding a minimum
age
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 for driving licence.
Firstly
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, there have been several accidents caused by
people
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 of a young
age
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. Young
people
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 aren'
t
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 mature enough for their mentality. Several cases happened
due to
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 their ambiguity in driving their car as fast as possible. It resulted in a crash on the main road.
For instance
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, an accident in Sudirman happened when a young boy drove his car at midnight and created several death cases.
Furthermore
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, driving licences starting at 20 will decrease the
driver
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's availability and the traffic jam. As all we know, Jakarta needs to build extra roads to accommodate drivers, but there aren'
t
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 any available spaces. Decreasing the number of drivers by changing theing for a
driver
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's licence is a good idea rules for apply. Several countries in northern Europe have applied
this
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 system even though the purpose is different enough.
Although
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this
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 rule should be applied faster, the government should be concerned about the
driver
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's needs. As of right now, Jakarta
hasn'
Verb problem
doesn't
show examples
t
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 enough mass transportation to
fulfil
Verb problem
meet
show examples
 all
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people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
. With the
driver
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's minimum
age
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 downsized, the number of
people
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 who can drive would be lower, too. The government should calculate the minimum
age
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 required to ensure the public needs and add extra transportation for the public at a cheaper price. In conclusion, the
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 to increase the minimum
age
Use synonyms
 should be applied soon to lower the safety issue and the traffic jam.

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introduction
Your introduction could be clearer. It is important to state your opinion on the topic clearly in the introduction.
main point
Make sure to explain the second reason in more detail. The point about traffic jams is relevant, but the connection to raising the minimum age for drivers needs more clarification.
conclusion
In your conclusion, reiterate your main points comprehensively, perhaps with a stronger final statement about the importance of road safety.
example
You provided relevant examples that illustrate your points, such as the accident in Sudirman.
argument
Your argument is generally clear and reflects a strong opinion on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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