IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Ques: Being a celebrity- such as a famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

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Being famous has many consequences. Paparazzi will invade your policy, fans will include your family, and during these events, you have to behave well in public and so on.
However
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, being a celebrity has numerous benefits as well. In
this
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 essay, I will tackle the advantages and disadvantages of being a known
person
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, artists and sports athletes are given the opportunity to influence other citizens. People look up to them, follow their habits, and purchase what they are buying.
As a result
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, producers will cooperate with their stars to get more famous and to have more marketing to the sector.
This
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 makes their life financially stable.
For instance
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, Messi, who is the greatest football player all around the world, collaborates with many luxury sports brands to increase their salary. Not only did he gain worldwide followers, but he
also
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 got sponsorships
due to
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 the contract with the brand.
Therefore
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, he would be thankful for the opportunities given to him that made his life more comfortable. On the other side, their fans think that just because they are a public personality and they got used to the cameras, they don't deserve any privacy. There are a lot of occasions where they crash someone else's date. Many amount of photos were taken without any permission.
For example
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, the supermodel, Adriana Lima, was disappointed because her post-pregnancy photos were taken without permission. The worst is that if they are not in favor of the things a body doing because of that pregnancy fans will criticize and cancel it from the internet platforms. I believe that being a well-known
person
Use synonyms
 worldwide brings up so many various effects in terms of both mental and social well-being. The
person
Use synonyms
 would be okay to face
such
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 problematic things
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 being a celebrity. In conclusion, being a known personality may have numerous benefits
as well as
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 problems but it is up to the
person
Use synonyms
 how to deal with the situation.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states your position (more benefits or more problems).
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to separate your paragraphs with clear topic sentences that outline the main point of each paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments in both paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each point made in your paragraphs is fully developed and explained, which will enhance clarity and depth.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexities of the topic.
task achievement
There are relevant examples cited that help in illustrating your points, like Messi and Adriana Lima.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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