IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school. Some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Individuals nowadays, spend more
time
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 commuting to work or school. Many people believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative
development
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becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 with advancements in
technology
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 everything has become more interconnected than it had ever been. Whilst, some argue that there are benefits to
this
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 as it teaches
time
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managment
Correct your spelling
management
 and discipline. Those who believe that the need to spend more
time
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 travelling is a negative
development
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 and indeed with advancements in
technology
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, individuals are more interconnected and almost most of the things can be done online. Schools can move to video
technology
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 learning to educate their students without the need to leave their homes.
Similarly
Linking Words
, most non-physical office tasks can be accomplished online with
assistance
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the assistance
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 of fellow employees.
On the other hand
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, there are people who think that
this
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 serves as a positive
development
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 as it teaches them discipline and
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time-management
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time management
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. In order to appear on
time
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, they need to plan and prepare their day
accordingly
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 which
building
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builds
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 up discipline in their routines and unknowingly
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 their
time
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-management skills which can
are
Wrong verb form
be
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 transferable to any
senarious
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situation
wether
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whether
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
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 job or at school. Spending more
time
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 travelling leads to the formation of these skills that benefit in the long run with
ability
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the ability
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 to complete tasks
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 given deadlines and they become more punctual and accountable. In conclusion, people are spending more
time
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 commuting and some believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative
development
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whereas
Linking Words
 some think that
this
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 serves benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. With advancements in
technology
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 when most of the tasks can be accomplished online and indeed
by
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apply
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spending more
time
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to travel
Change the verb form
travelling
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 to school or work
given
Wrong verb form
gives
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 them a valid reason to
belive
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believe
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 that
this
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 is a negative
development
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.
However
Linking Words
, there are individuals who think that
this
Linking Words
 makes them more
puntual
Correct your spelling
punctual
 and disciplined by improving their
time
Use synonyms
-management skills.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear discussion of both views, but more developed arguments and examples for each perspective would strengthen your task achievement. Try to provide specific examples from real-life situations or studies to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, consider improving cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of minor spelling and grammar mistakes (e.g., 'becuase', 'managment', 'senarious', 'wetther', 'punctual'). Proofreading your work can help you catch these errors before submission, contributing to a stronger impression.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and presents both perspectives effectively, which helps set the stage for your discussion.
task achievement
You effectively present both sides of the argument, showing awareness of the complexities of the issue, which is commendable and adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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