IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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a number of people think that it is better to experience a negative circumstance,
such
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 as
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
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 career or limited amounts of money.
Whereas
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 others say that it is wiser to deal
and
Change preposition
with and
show examples
 upgrade
such
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 conditions.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and provide an opinion. On the one hand, some folks feel that
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 situation is acceptable as it will not
last
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 forever. It is happening because those people have had worst several
circumtances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
 before.
Moreover
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, an unproductive scene will always occur in our life, so it is unnecessary to deal with some particular episodes during
lifetime
Correct pronoun usage
our lifetime
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.
For instance
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, people's
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not always predictable, so it is critical to minimize
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 by controlling our behaviour alone.
Thus
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, some problems are acceptable as long as we can control our mindset.
On the other hand
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, some parts of the community believe that it is crucial to overcome a doubtful episode in our life as a number of difficulties are teaching us a new lesson. It is usual for many bodies to reflect
Change preposition
on event
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event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 that they have passed.
Furthermore
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, a negative event
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 vital for mental
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
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 if we can solve the issue. In my experience, a complex task has affected my
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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 skills to become more careful.
Hence
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, an issue might be challenging for some parts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, so we can utilize it for cognitive
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
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.
To sum up
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, a negative situation can be both challenging and unimportant in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It is because some difficulties may push
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
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 to become better.
In contrast
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,
such
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 conditions
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also
Add a missing verb
are also
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 not crucial for our attention.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity and development of your ideas to make your argument more compelling.
coherence
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to ensure smoother transitions.
task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your main points.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective.
coherence
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion structure, which is essential in academic writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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