IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more media attention is being paid to famous, successful people in sports and movies. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Social
media
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 has transformed a whole world. The
news
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channels
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 and the other digital platforms are primarily focused on getting more followers for higher TRP ratings.
As a result
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, they blindly follow and give unnecessary attention to the famous renowned personalities. In my view,
an
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apply
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extensive
media
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 coverage of famous
people
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makes
Verb problem
has
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 a negative impact on
common
Correct word choice
the general
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 public
especially
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, especially
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 the younger generation. Many adults
often
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are often
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 intimidated by these well-known actors and athletes for many reasons, which ultimately distracts them from their real goals.
To begin
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 with, Digital platforms
such
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 as Instagram,YouTube, and Facebook
channels
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 have been focusing on getting more engagement as they want to be on
a
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the
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 top list of
the
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apply
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news
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channels
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. So, they cover
news
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 about famous
celebrities
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 as they are more visible and accessible.
Thus
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,
people
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also
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 get details about their role models'
lives
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 through the
media
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.
In
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On
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 the contrary, the
media
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also
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 gets more followers and subscribers.
For instance
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, In India, when a famous businessman gets married, the whole
media
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 covers the wedding and posts updates about the wedding on their
channels
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 to get more viewers and public engagement. Famous
celebrities
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'
lives
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 have been always a public interest for ages.
As a result
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,
due to
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 excessive interference of the
news
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 reporters, their personal
lives
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 become more visible and go under scrutiny, which is absolutely unnecessary and creates a conflict of interest for many individuals.
furthermore
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, many young
people
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 have faith in their role models
such
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 as actors, and athletes as they find their success and achievements are inspiring. So, They follow what their ideal models are emphasising through advertisements or brand sponsorship.
Hence
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, it is a social responsibility of the
media
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 or
news
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channels
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 to cover necessary and inspiring
news
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 rather than detrimental and discouraging
news
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 of public figures as sometimes it may distract younger generations from their real-life goals.
To conclude
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, digital platforms have been giving unnecessary attention to famous
celebrities
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 for their own profits which contributes to negative developments for the community
as well as
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 the
celebrities
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 themselves.
Media
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 closely inspect their personal
lives
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 and make them public without their authorization making them more accessible to common
people
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.
on the other hand
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, through unnecessary and repetitive advertisements outsourcing
of
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sponsored products
by
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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distracts
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation from their real goals.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas with clearer reasoning and connections between points. For instance, explain how the media's focus on celebrities affects the aspirations of young people more thoroughly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that these ideas connect logically to each other. You might benefit from using linking phrases to improve transitions.
coherence and cohesion
Revisit your introduction and conclusion: your introduction could provide a clearer overview of your stance, while your conclusion could summarize your main points more effectively.
task achievement
Good attempt to address both sides of the argument (the media's impact and the society's reaction).
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the wedding of a famous businessman in India, illustrates your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • media attention
  • celebrity culture
  • visibility
  • public interest
  • fascination
  • aspiration
  • success stories
  • sponsorship
  • advertising
  • escapism
  • role models
  • influence
  • glamour
  • athleticism
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