IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Many offenders who break the law after serving their punishment in
prison
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 , again enter the jail for a new felony.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of opportunities outside the jail to start a new
life
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 , and psychological issues lead to repeating the same problems. A lot of solutions to stop
this
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 problem should be established by decision-makers and the government . The first reason to break the
rules
Use synonyms
 multiple times without learning from the punishment is the limited chances outside
prison
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life
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 to build habits and
life
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 without mistakes.
In other words
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,
people
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 who have a history in
prison
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 may have difficulty getting a job
due to
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 their past of breaking low
rules
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 which leads to financial issues and more
rules
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 breaking .
As well as
Linking Words
 , obstacles to finding a partner and establishing a family as new
people
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 will be scared to start a relationship with criminals, which leads them to be lonely and at high risk of addiction or another crime. The second reason for repeated crimes by the same criminal is mental illness.
People
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 who have psychological trauma , or have
difficult
Correct article usage
a difficult
show examples
life
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 socially or economically are at high risk of breaking the
rules
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 if not treated by psychological specialists in a rehabilitation centre. So, putting them in jail without treating them will cause serious problems for the community. There is
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
two solutions to tackle
this
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 problem. One way
through making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 the criminal history private nobody can know about his past activity unless those who
did
Verb problem
committed
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 a serious felony could affect the community.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
apportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
to find work to be financially dependent on themselves without judging them by their past. The other way to solve
this
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 issue is to evaluate the mental health of each criminal and make sure they receive the appropriate treatment for their conditions. By doing
this
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 we reduce the crime rates that happened from mentally ill patients and support financially their treatment as it costs them depending on their condition. In conclusion,
people
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 who keep breaking the
rules
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 may suffer from community judgment that prevents them from starting a new
life
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 , or they already have mental issues not been treated . The government and
decision makers
Add a hyphen
decision-makers
show examples
 need to support them by keeping their
prison
Use synonyms
 lives private and offering treatment to them.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating further on the potential solutions to provide more depth. For example, detail specific government programs that could assist reintegration.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Make clearer connections between your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures to improve readability and sophistication of language.
task achievement
The identification of key issues such as lack of opportunities and mental health is strong and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the need for support from the government.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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