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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Somepeople believe that it is too late to do something while others believe that actions can be taken to improve the situation. Discuss both the perspectives and give your opinion.

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in the modern era, human activities
has
Change the verb form
have
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 had a negative effect on other plants and animals around the world. a number of people think that it is
so
Rephrase
too
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 late to fix the impacts. at the same time, others believe that events can be taken to enhance the earth's situation.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 my opinion, there is always
an
Remove the article
apply
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enough time for everything. in
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss both points of view. on the one hand, these people who argue
this
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 suggest show that it is so difficult to resolve
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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hundreds of earth's issues. because it will take a long time to solve several negative effects
such
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 as global warming and air pollution.
Moreover
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,
this
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 process requires decades to reach the final stage.
Linking Words
additionally
Capitalize word
Additionally
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,
the next step is
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 to apply
this
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 change around the world. thereby, the arguers did not accept
this
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 idea.
For instance
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, a study conducted by Harvard University in 2023 showed that the lack of proper recycling awareness has significantly contributed to environmental damage. The research revealed that in cities with low recycling rates, the level of waste generation and pollution increased by over 60% in the past decade.
on the other hand
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, numerous nations agree with
this
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 advice to treat
earth's
Correct article usage
the earth's
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 environment
although
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 forests, rivers and desert regions. it is essential to take care of our planet and
trying
Wrong verb form
try
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 to do the right habits
such
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 as recycling to
aviod
Correct your spelling
avoid
 possible disasters like
pollutuin
Correct your spelling
pollution
 and global warming.
for example
Linking Words
, provided statistics in 2023 by Harvard University illustrated the influence of
unaware
Add a missing verb
being unaware
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 of recycling. they analysed many details from
Correct article usage
a particulart
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particulart
Correct your spelling
particular
 city to get the percentage of consequences of single-use-consumption. the result was a general increase in
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 damage by 75% for
this
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 city.
to sum up
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, we can take c are of
out
Correct your spelling
our
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 land anytime. but it is important to publish the
aware
Replace the word
awareness
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 of the drawback of disregard. in my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 agree with
this
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 statement.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide a clearer structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument to improve clarity.
task achievement
Avoid vague phrases like 'events can be taken'. Use more precise language to express your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure to enhance readability. For example, revise 'to fix the impacts' to 'to mitigate the effects'.
task achievement
Expand your conclusion to summarize your main points more effectively and reinforce your opinion.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument clearly, which demonstrates good balance in your essay.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples such as studies conducted by Harvard University adds credibility to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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