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Band 4.5

The shown Line graph below illustrates the condition of participation by club members to different courses. Summaries and make comparisons where relevant.

The shown Line graph below illustrates the condition of participation by club members to different courses. Summaries and make comparisons where relevant.
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In general, Participation by club members
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 different
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 for every activity. Swimming declined in percentages from around 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1995 to a little above 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2015.
Team
Use synonyms
 sports remain constant around 30
percent
Use synonyms
 and
gym
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 jump in twenty years from not even 10
percent
Use synonyms
 to around 25
percent
Use synonyms
. As it is presented in the graph membership
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
swimming decreased significantly from 1995 to 2010
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 more than 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 remained the same from 2010 to 2015 around 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Team
Use synonyms
 sports and
gym
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 increased from 1995 to 2010
that
Correct word choice
when
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team
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 rose
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
Linking Words
gym
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 quite more around 20
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, from 2010 to 2015 both of them reduced in percentages, in
team
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
sport
Add a comma
sport,
show examples
 it dropped almost 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 which is equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the condition in 1995 which was a little more than 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
gym
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 went down a little bit from 2010 to 2015
be
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 around 1 or 2
percent
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
trend
Add an article
the trend
a trend
show examples
 in participation by club members
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 different in every course. People
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 different choices with their courses every year and it is a common thing that depends on personal taste.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent, team, gym, activities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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