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Band 4.5

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experiences and developing soft skill is more important. Discuss both view and give ur opinion

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Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 complete
institution
Replace the word
institutional
show examples
education
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 which is the best path to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 a
job
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while
Linking Words
, a couple of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that practical
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and technical
skills
Use synonyms
 are very important.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain
both
Use synonyms
 sides with my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, nowadays
education
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 demand
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been
inceasing
Correct your spelling
decreasing
 in
work
Use synonyms
 industries.
people
Use synonyms
 have to
completed
Change the verb
complete
show examples
 their
bachelors
Change to a genitive case
bachelor's
bachelors'
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 for
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
position
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.
In addition
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, some jobs have
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 criteria. Companies
have
Add the particle
have to
show examples
 make sure
how
Correct word choice
that
show examples
people
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 fit
this
Linking Words
position
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then
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 they
recruits
Change the verb form
recruit
show examples
 them because
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degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 shows your ability
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge
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 and
efficency
Correct your spelling
efficiency
 in
work
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.
For example
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,
Multinational
Correct article usage
a Multinational
show examples
 IT
comapny
Correct your spelling
company
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
people
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 for
CEO
Add an article
the CEO
a CEO
show examples
Use synonyms
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
.
Correct article usage
The Comapny
show examples
Comapny
Correct your spelling
Company
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 only those candidates
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who completed their CEO
degree
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
education
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 mentioned your ability
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
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 when you
completed
Wrong verb form
complete
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to explore
their
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 own technics and theory to
work
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 have to
completed
Change the verb
complete
show examples
 their basic higher
education
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 for
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
work
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position
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 but there are some needs for good
work
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.
Employer
Fix the agreement mistake
Employers
show examples
 have good experience and good soft
skill
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knowalede
Correct your spelling
knowledge
. I
belileve
Correct your spelling
believe
people
Use synonyms
 have completed
Use synonyms
Add an article
a degree
the degree
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
strong
Add a missing verb
have strong
show examples
 experience and soft
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
knowledge
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 because some
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 requirements are technical
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, without soft
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
skill
Add a comma
skill,
show examples
 they can't play
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
roll
Correct your spelling
role
show examples
 in
work
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.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my friends
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 completed
Correct article usage
a master
show examples
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 in MSC. He did
both
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theorotical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 and
parctical
Correct your spelling
practical
skills
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 during his
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
degree
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 that
skills
Use synonyms
 helps to
reserch
Correct your spelling
research
 analysis in one
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 research.
Basically
Add a comma
Basically,
show examples
both
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 could help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
him in
research
Add an article
a research
the research
show examples
 project.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, higher
education
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 part
to achieve
Change preposition
of achieving
show examples
 a good
job
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same time a good experience is
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
 way
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 get
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 should learn
skill
Use synonyms
 development. I strongly
supporte
Correct your spelling
support
supported
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 views because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 highly
recommended
Wrong verb form
recommend
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 or
knowledge
Use synonyms
 to get a
job
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. There are multiple instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that make your points less understandable.
content
Ensure that your main ideas are each clearly developed and supported. Some points are mentioned but not fully explored or explained.
cohesion
Try to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
content
You presented both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
structure
Your opinion is clearly stated in the conclusion, which is important for task achievement.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • networking opportunities
  • industry professionals
  • practical experience
  • soft skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving abilities
  • boot camps
  • vocational training
  • personal development
  • career paths
  • employability
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