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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart illustrates the number of women in parliament of 5 European nations from 2000 to 2012

The line chart illustrates the number of women in parliament of 5 European nations from 2000 to 2012
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The line chart illustrates the number of women in
parliament
Correct article usage
the parliament
show examples
 of 5 European nations from 2000 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the figures for
German
Replace the word
Germany
show examples
, Italy, France and the UK all increased after 12 years.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number of female members in Belgium’s parliament decreased
through
Change preposition
over
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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. In 2000,
German
Correct article usage
the German
show examples
 government consisted of almost 35%
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the figures for Italy and France were all around 25%. After 12 years, the percentage of females in Germany, Italy and France rose to 37%, 40% and 32%, respectively. Italy was
also
Linking Words
 the country that had the highest number of female members in parliament in the 5 European nations. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Belgium’s government, in 2000, the percentage of women was more than 15%
while
Linking Words
 the figure for the UK was just nearly 5%.
However
Linking Words
, in 2012, the figures for these two nations both collided at nearly 25%. Belgium was the only country of the five
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mentioned to witness a decrease after the 12-year period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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