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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 the proportion of three groups of Japanese children
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 four types of activities in 2018. It is evident that 5 to 8
years
Use synonyms
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children are more
popular
Correct word choice
likely
show examples
 to watch TV,
while
Linking Words
 playing computer games
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
decline
Change the verb form
declined
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 in 9 to 11
years
Use synonyms
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, watching TV and reading are the same percentages in 9 to 11
years
Use synonyms
 old and 12 to 16
years
Use synonyms
 old. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
watching TV, 5 to 8
years
Use synonyms
 old are most percentages(90%) than other groups were the same as 80%,
while
Linking Words
 playing computer games show a downward trend
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 every
groups
Change to a singular noun
group
show examples
, only 60%(5 to 8
years
Use synonyms
 old)、58%(9 to 11
years
Use synonyms
 old) and 40% (12 to 16
years
Use synonyms
 old).
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 80% of
riding
Correct pronoun usage
those riding
show examples
 the bike over 12
to16
Correct your spelling
to 16
 is the most
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
 than
other group
Change the wording
another group
other groups
show examples
 by 5 to 8(62%) and 9 to 11(60%)
years
Use synonyms
 old. As for reading, both of 9 to 11 age and 12 to 16 age are the same percentages, about 70%, and 5 to 8
years
Use synonyms
 old decrease to 60%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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