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Band 7

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play four different musical instruments. Assel.

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play four different musical instruments. Assel.
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The bar chart depicts information about the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 learning the musical instruments on
guitar
Use synonyms
,
piano
Use synonyms
, drum and
violin
Use synonyms
 between 2005 and 2015.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 learning the
guitar
Use synonyms
 and
piano
Use synonyms
 slightly increased over the period,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 learning the
violin
Use synonyms
 and drum
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 stable until 2010. After that, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 learning the
drums
Use synonyms
 rose,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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violin
Use synonyms
 learners decreased. In 2005, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 learning
guitar
Use synonyms
,
piano
Use synonyms
 and
violin
Use synonyms
 was around 10%,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of school children learning to play the
drums
Use synonyms
 was 5%. By 2010, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 learning
guitar
Use synonyms
 and
piano
Use synonyms
 rose sharply to 20% and 18%. In the same year, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of school children learning to play the
drums
Use synonyms
 and the
violin
Use synonyms
 remained stable at 5% and 7%. In 2015, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 learning to play the
guitar
Use synonyms
 and
piano
Use synonyms
 had grown to 28% and 25%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 learning the
drums
Use synonyms
 climbed slightly to 8%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of those learning the
violin
Use synonyms
 declined slightly to 7%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, students, guitar, piano, violin, percentage, drums with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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