IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Retired people want to move to foreign countries. What do advantages and disadvantages they have

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Nowadays, a range of older people want to change their living area for abroad .
This
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 essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of moving from home to the outside. The key advantage of living abroad is the homely area and atmosphere.
Such
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 as if they live in undeveloped countries, it can
take
Verb problem
cause
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 problems with
level
Add an article
the level
a level
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 of their living.
For instance
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,
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 live in a small country town, it has
not a
Rephrase
no
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 river or villas,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 prefer to move
in
Change preposition
to
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 another country
instead
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 of living there.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
second
Correct article usage
the second
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benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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 is their own country may have environmental problems,
such
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 as air pollution or vehicle problems and vandalism. Apart from that, the issue of
this
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 can be to move abroad,
due to
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 it can damage their mental and body health.
However
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks. If they are
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
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 person , it can cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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of
Change preposition
in
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 communication. There will be no person to support and be live family. They can miss their children as well.
In addition
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, it is not easy to find new
closed
Correct word choice
close
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 friends and good neighbors.
Second
Change the article
The second
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 disadvantage is the language barrier. In some countries with good amenities and great peace of life, it is not enough to know only English.
For example
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, in
France
Add a comma
France,
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 most local communities prefer to talk in their own language. Apart from that, it is not easy to move abroad for a living in older years. In conclusion,
although
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 there are both advantages and disadvantages of moving abroad, it is
clearly
Change the word
clear
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 that stay in the area
were
Correct your spelling
where
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 they
was
Change the verb form
were
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 born and raised. As it is difficult to live in a distance from your children and other family members. But it
also
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 depends on individual views and choices.

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introduction/conclusion
The introduction could be clearer by directly stating the advantages and disadvantages instead of stating that the essay will discuss them. Also, conclude by summarizing these points rather than implying a preference for staying in one area.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly supports the main idea, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
supported main points
To strengthen your examples, include more specific details and fully develop your ideas. For instance, provide clearer examples of environmental problems or more personal accounts to illustrate communication challenges.
content
Your essay effectively identifies both advantages and disadvantages of moving abroad, which is crucial to responding to the task.
coherence
You have a commendable effort in linking your ideas and providing relevant examples, despite some inaccuracies.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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