IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of men and women in higher pedagogy and their work category in Britain from 1970/1971 to 1990/1991 academic year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the total of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 who study in
part-time
Add an article
the part-time
a part-time
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 is higher than those who study in
full-time
Add an article
the full-time
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 over the
years
Use synonyms
. At the same time, the female category indicates the same trend.
However
Linking Words
, the quantity of full-time education
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both genders rose over the
years
Use synonyms
. In 1970/1971 year, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 male
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
show examples
 totaled 1000. Despite
this
Linking Words
, in the next decade, those numbers
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased,
amounted
Wrong verb form
amounting
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 slightly above 800 in 1980/1981.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 decline, there is a slight incline which
totaled
Change the spelling
totalled
show examples
 900. Meanwhile, the number of women who
join
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
 part-time education
totaled
Change the spelling
totalled
show examples
 just under 800 in
1970
Correct article usage
the 1970
show examples
/1971 academic year.
However
Linking Words
, the figure inclined to slightly above 800 in a decade later. In the next ten
years
Use synonyms
, the rate peaked at above 1000
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. Generally, the quantity of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 who learn in
full-time
Correct article usage
the full-time
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 rose over the decades,
peaked
Wrong verb form
peaking
show examples
 at just above 200 in 1990/1991.
In addition
Linking Words
, the total of women who learn in
full-time
Correct article usage
the full-time
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 increased in the next ten
years
Use synonyms
,
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
 at just above 200
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words section, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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