IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

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The issue of migrating to urban regions
,
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 has always sparked a debate regarding its merits and demerits.
While
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 many people argue that urbanisation offers numerous benefits, others believe that it brings certain drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both the positive and negative aspects of
this
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 trend before arriving at a conclusion. First and foremost, one significant advantage of moving to cities is that it offers a wide range of opportunities
either
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related to jobs, transportation
or
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shopping, etc.
This
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 is because metropolitan cities are facilitated with high-tech infrastructure, industrialisation and frequent travelling services, leading to greater convenience for individuals.
Additionally
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, another noteworthy benefit is that people can build their own
business
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businesses
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 by getting proper education and articulate training.
This
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 factor plays a crucial role in fostering an informed and responsible society, providing benefits
such
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 as self-dependency and an ideal source of income.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to consider that urbanisation not only improves the quality of life but
also
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 boosts
the
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economic growth, which
further
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 strengthens the positive aspects of
this
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 trend.
On the contrary
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, the rapid incline in the migration to urban areas
also
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 presents certain disadvantages. One key issue arises from the fact that the decline in the rural population, leads to the scarcity of the farmers,
thus
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 hit badly to the agricultural economy. Another significant drawback is that it reduces the connection of the people with their culture, as they step into
the
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modernity
due to
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 the adoption of urban- culture.
Moreover
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, many critics argue that
this
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incline
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inclines
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 worse the condition of the urban regions by increasing traffic congestion, homelessness and crimes, thereby creating challenges
such
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 as environmental degradation and reduced harmony of the youngsters especially, with their conventional heritages, which cannot be overlooked.
To Conclude
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,
while
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 moving to urban areas offers several benefits like convenience, variety and employment, they
also
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 present challenges like the degradation of rural culture and
crowdness
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crowdedness
crowds
 in cities.
Therefore
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, it is essential to weigh both sides carefully before forming a final opinion on the matter.

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Task Achievement
The introduction is clear and presents the main argument effectively. However, make sure to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction for better clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas. Ensure that the links between paragraphs are more explicit to strengthen coherence.
Task Achievement
The main points are supported with some examples, but including more specific examples or data would enhance the argumentation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You have successfully identified both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Amenities
  • Economic prospects
  • Overcrowding
  • Traffic congestion
  • Pollution
  • Agricultural abandonment
  • Cultural diversity
  • Innovation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Family ties
  • Infrastructure
  • Public services
  • Sustainable urban planning
  • Rural revitalization
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