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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for children to leran the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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Nowadays,
Children
Use synonyms
 are getting involved in social activities at an early age,
hence
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 it is essential for them to have knowledge of right and wrong.It is an irrefutable fact that punishment can help them to understand
this
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 quality. I completely agree with
this
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 statement and
this
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 essay will analyse how parents and teachers can help
children
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 in
this
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 matter by giving required punishment.
To begin
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 with, it is often seen that
children
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 develop a dominating attitude sometimes in school and bully other minor pupils.
For instance
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, a child from a strong financial background, misbehaves with other
children
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 who belong to the middle class, assuming he has power because he is rich.
Therefore
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, teachers should punish students with
such
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 attitudes by asking them to clean school areas like libraries, gardens or other facilities areas in order to make them humble and to teach the lesson of equality.
In addition
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, youngsters at home misbehave with elderly people and spend money outside without giving a second thought.
Hence
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, it is
also
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 the responsibility of parents to inculcate manners in their offspring by limiting their pocket money and involving them in the daily chores of the house,
as a result
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, they will learn the value of money and will start respecting others by acknowledging their work. In conclusion, if teachers and parents help
children
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 by giving appropriate punishment to shape their personality at a young age, it will help them differentiate right and wrong situations and will help them make the right decisions throughout their lives.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position and outlines the key points of your essay more explicitly.
task achievement
When presenting your examples, ensure they are fully developed with clear connections to the main argument to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow and cohesion of your ideas throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that this idea is introduced clearly to guide the reader.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, which is essential for a strong response.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reinforces your argument, providing a satisfying end to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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