IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Question : some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in countryside. What problem does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Nowadays, a lot of youngsters are leaving the
countryside
Use synonyms
 to live in cities or towns leaving their parents or grandparents in the
countryside
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.
This
Linking Words
 could happen because of several problems like education, job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 and entertainment. But, the main case would be the district
development
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. Government in
this
Linking Words
 day
,
Remove the comma
apply
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put
Wrong verb form
puts
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 their main focus into the build and developing the main
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 and town in the
area
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 rather than the
countryside
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the imbalance would happen and bring problems like inequality in education and vacancies. The country will be left behind because all the future generations move to the
city
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 looking for a better life.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the young people believe living in the
city
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 would be more fun since all the entertainment is accessible in the
city
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. To solve
this
Linking Words
, the Government should look into the
countryside
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 and start to develop them. By relocating some national firms and startups, building more entertainment facilities, and improving learning quality in the
area
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, equitable
development
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 would benefit the
area
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 for its accessibility, education and job opportunities, so the youngsters with full ambition believe they could achieve their dream in the
countryside
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 and do not move to the
city
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 because everything they need is available. In conclusion, the main point of
this
Linking Words
 problem is the uneven
development
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 of the country. The government must support the
development
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 not only in the towns or big
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city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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 but, in the surroundings
also
Linking Words
.
By focus
Change preposition
Focus
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 on the whole
area
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 and building them equally would bring more benefit and balance to the population.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, no more
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 being a wanderer to seek a better hustle since everything is available in their
area
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt, try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular types of job opportunities or education improvements you envision in the countryside.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
In your introduction, clarify the main problem a bit more before discussing the causes. This can help provide a clearer context for your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and address both causes and solutions effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical flow and you present your ideas in a structured manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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