IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In future, people may longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by cards or by phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

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Advancement in technology has changed every aspect of human life, finance and business are no exception. In
this
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 contemporary epoch, it has been reckoned by experts that in future, people will only be able to make payments using cards or
by
Change preposition
apply
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smartphones, and
cash
Use synonyms
 will not be used to pay for the commodities bought from the shops.
This
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 essay will elucidate that prediction cannot be turned into reality, and will
also
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 discuss the testaments that why many would be unhappy to give up
cash
Use synonyms
 in the subsequent paragraph. To commence with, it is nearly impossible that
populace
Correct article usage
the populace
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 will be denied of using
cash
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 because not everybody is comfortable using technology in daily life.
In other words
Linking Words
, if
transaction
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the transaction
a transaction
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 has to be made through portals,people need prior knowledge of using them. To cite an example, to transfer money to another
account
Use synonyms
 using
card
Correct article usage
a card
show examples
 or
smartphones
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphone
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, passwords should be remembered and mobile applications have to be pre-installed
in
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on
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 phones, which is a tedious task for
older
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the older
an older
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 generation. It requires not only more time but
also
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 effort, which senior citizens and children are
resistive
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resistant
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 to.
Thus
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, the aforementioned example clearly substantiates why
such
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 major changes cannot happen in future. Some individuals might not be comfortable giving up using
cash
Use synonyms
 as using payment portals/gateways increases the chances of cybercrime. To expound, if there is
restriction
Add an article
a restriction
the restriction
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of
Correct word choice
apply
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on making payment through physical currency, the probability of fraud through phone calls confirming
account
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 details will skyrocket,
thus
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 making it difficult to differentiate between the genuine and forged caller. To exemplify, most of the cases of cybercrime reported are done through fake calls requesting
account
Use synonyms
 details
such
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 as passwords, OTPs(
one time
Add a hyphen
one-time
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 passwords) and
account
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number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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.
Such
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 offenders target senior citizens and young children because of less awareness of cyber complaint cells and their rights to
complaint
Replace the word
complain
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.
Hence
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, the
above mentioned
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above-mentioned
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 reason vividly substantiates why individuals do not welcome
this
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 advancement joyfully. To recapitulate, many believe that using
cash
Use synonyms
 will become obsolete in future and
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be taken over by cards and
smartphones
Change the noun form
smartphone
show examples
 apps
although
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 I disagree
to
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with
show examples
this
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 notion. Most of the population would not find it easy and reliable to be dependent on digital payment
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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, so would be unwelcoming of
this
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 transition.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, but the thesis statement could be more precise in outlining the points to be discussed. Consider rephrasing it for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more cohesive devices to connect your ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. For example, linking phrases such as 'on the other hand' could enhance the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that all examples provided are directly relevant to your arguments. While your examples are generally applicable, some could be made more specific or detailed to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear viewpoint against the prediction of a cashless future, which is well-supported with logical reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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