IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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I personally disagree with the issue
whether
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of whether
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 the working days should be
one
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day
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 less. By no means should we make the weekend three days long. There are two aspects that support my point of view. First of all, now all over the world are facing an unprecedented economic recession caused by COVID-19. Many factories are forced to close and the shops shut down. The economic loss is substantial.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, with the advent of
vaccine
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vaccines
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, I perceive that now
people
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 can go back to their
work
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.
This
Linking Words
 would certainly be conducive to our economy. If we reduce
one
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day
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 from
work
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, even just from a week, it would cause repercussions on our society in terms of the development of
economy
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the economy
an economy
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I am used to
do
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doing
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 my leisure activities
in
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on
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 Saturday and Sunday. If there is
one
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day
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 more, I would wonder what to do on that
day
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, and that means I have to rearrange my weekend plans. I think it would be tiring. Most importantly, I come to admit that,
too
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to
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 some degree, I am a workaholic. I cannot even
image
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imagine
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 if I am separated from my favourite place – my office. It is the place where I retreat
to
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apply
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when I feel anxious and want to get rid of everything. Working, indeed, gives me a sense of achievement and contentment. I,
therefore
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, would oppose
to
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apply
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the idea of cutting
one
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 working
day
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. Though some
people
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 may argue that they need
one
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day
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 more in the week to reduce their stress from
work
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, it could be harmful to our economic growth in
this
Linking Words
 harsh time.
Also
Linking Words
, I believe that many
people
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 are used to the current working system, which provides two days for
break
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a break
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. The sudden change will make
people
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contused
Correct your spelling
confused
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. Unless the government enacts a comprehensive policy for
this
Linking Words
 new system, I think the idea does not
work
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, and it would surely
brings
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bring
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 chaos
in
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to
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 our society.

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task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction. State clearly whether you agree or disagree with the topic. The phrase 'I personally disagree with the issue' could be clearer if you simply stated 'I disagree with the idea of a shorter working week.'
coherence and cohesion
Try to structure your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or evidence. For example, separate your economic argument from your personal experience more distinctly.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This would enhance the overall coherence of your essay. For instance, phrases like 'On the other hand,' or 'Moreover,' can guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively identified two main points in opposition to the idea of a shorter working week, which is good for structure.
task achievement
Your personal experiences add a unique touch to your argument, making your points relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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