IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is argued that newspapers ought not to publish the details of private lives of politicians. This essay strongly disagrees with this view because politicians build a public image through such news and they could be held accountable for any wrongdoings.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
On the one hand,
politicians
Use synonyms
 can
gain
Use synonyms
 public trust by building a positive image through
newspapers
Use synonyms
. Being the focus of
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
, sometimes
details
Use synonyms
 of their personal interests end up on the front pages of
newspapers
Use synonyms
, which allows them to
gain
Use synonyms
 popularity among
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
, especially when their interests match with the general public. Recently, the pictures of a famous politician of Milan,
while
Linking Words
 playing football with local school children were published in many
newspapers
Use synonyms
, and he instantly became famous among school and college students.
Hence
Linking Words
, it helps them
gain
Use synonyms
 popularity by depicting themselves in a positive way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, publishing
details
Use synonyms
 of private affairs
disclose
Correct subject-verb agreement
discloses
show examples
 the corruption of
politicians
Use synonyms
 and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them accountable. Many
politicians
Use synonyms
 usually hold a public office and are entrusted with managing public funds. If they do not spend the money on the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of people and are involved in corruption,
newspapers
Use synonyms
 expose their private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and put them under accountability.
For example
Linking Words
, when
details
Use synonyms
 of the lavish spending of the Mayor of London,
while
Linking Words
 on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vacation, were revealed in the SUN, it prompted questions from many sections of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, eventually exposing his corruption with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public money.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important that
newspapers
Use synonyms
 publish these
details
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, private matters of
politicians
Use synonyms
 should be published in
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 because it allows them to
gain
Use synonyms
 popularity and expose their corrupt affairs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your ideas are clear, you could enhance the introduction by briefly stating why some people believe newspapers should not publish private details, offering a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, but ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence would further improve coherence. Linking phrases could also be strengthened for smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide a stronger concluding statement that summarizes the main points and reinforces your argument more emphatically. This can help make your conclusion more impactful.
task achievement
Your essay presents well-developed ideas and arguments that are relevant to the topic, showcasing a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
You have provided pertinent examples that enhance your argument and demonstrate effective reasoning in your analysis.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: