IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You saw an advert in the newspaper asking for volunteers to help run a charity event. Write a letter of application to the organisers. In your letter:  Explain why you are interest in helping  Give details suitable past experience  Suggest ways you might help with the event

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Dear Sir or Madam. Hello, I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter because I would like to join your
event
Use synonyms
 as a member.
Firstly
Linking Words
 of all, I like helping other people, especially
run
Wrong verb form
running
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Use synonyms
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 Because my father was the best
sport man
Correct your spelling
sportsman
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 in my hometown,
furthermore
Linking Words
, He is dead now,
Therefore
Linking Words
, I really want to do something for his hobby.
However
Linking Words
, I had experience in
Correct article usage
a samiliar
show examples
samiliar
Correct your spelling
similar
Use synonyms
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year, I was
orgnising
Correct your spelling
organising
organizing
 people who have
disability
Add an article
a disability
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, I was selling tickets for the
audence
Correct your spelling
audience
. So I hope I am suitable for
this
Linking Words
event
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, there are many duties which I can do
such
Linking Words
 as
orgnision
Correct your spelling
organising
 people and
also
Linking Words
 I can be a security gate. even though you want me a night shift I can. I have other things I did not mention here. Thank you, I am looking forward to hearing back from you. Kim sincerely

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction that states the purpose of your letter. Consider using phrases like 'I am writing to apply for the volunteer position.'
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are grouped logically in paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one main idea to improve clarity.
task achievement
Use more appropriate words and expressions to demonstrate your enthusiasm and suitability for the role, such as 'I admire your cause' or 'I believe my experience will contribute positively.'
task achievement
You show a personal connection to the cause, which adds emotional weight to your application.
task achievement
You provide specific examples of your past experience, which helps establish your capability.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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