IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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In
this
Linking Words
 era,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 see advertising
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
 so it
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
a factor
show examples
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 of purchasing , whether it is
Correct article usage
a benefit
show examples
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 or
drawback
Correct article usage
a drawback
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us.
This
Linking Words
 essay I will be writing expand
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 advertisements. Some people believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 advertising encourages us to waste
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money on not value stuff. The first reason,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 behavior of
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
who love
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love
Correct subject-verb agreement
loves
show examples
 discount
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 or promotions
for example
Linking Words
 cloth's store
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
december
Change the capitalization
December
show examples
 will have
black
Correct article usage
a black
show examples
friday
Change the capitalization
Friday
show examples
, they
have
Add the particle
have to
show examples
 buy
one
Use synonyms
 get
one
Use synonyms
 or
discount
Correct article usage
a discount
show examples
30
Change preposition
of 30
show examples
% if you buy
Correct article usage
a minnimum
show examples
minnimum
Correct your spelling
minimum
$
Change preposition
of $
show examples
1000.
This
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will
attractive
Replace the word
attract
show examples
 you to pay more than your necessity.
Use synonyms
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 hands,
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 show
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unseen object
thae
Correct your spelling
that
 you
never
Add a missing verb
have never
show examples
 seen before like
a new gadgets
Correct the article-noun agreement
new gadgets
a new gadget
show examples
. The
pesent
Correct your spelling
present
 technology is very important to the world, we can approach the internet all the
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 we actually see the advertising
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere for
Correct article usage
the isnstand
show examples
isnstand
Correct your spelling
instant
instance
,
on
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the sky
time
Use synonyms
, I see
automatic
Correct article usage
an automatic
show examples
 ironing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 from
similar
Add an article
the similar
a similar
show examples
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
 the I use the iron. The
machine
Add a verb
machine is
machine was
show examples
 able to manage several
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
time
Use synonyms
 so it can decrease
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
cloth
Fix the agreement mistake
clothes
show examples
. The effect
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
attivities
Correct your spelling
activities
that we spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with family. In conclusion, the advertisement may
watse
Correct your spelling
waste
 more budgets but we will gain more
one
Use synonyms
 thing.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it can open the
worldwide
Replace the word
world
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 to others.
Thus
Linking Words
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 my opinion, I believe advertising
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 than
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. It
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 people to know world development.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and a logical flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repetitive language, and aim for more varied vocabulary and structure.
Task Achievement
Make sure your supporting examples are fully developed and clearly connected to your main points.
Task Achievement
Clarify your viewpoints. Strengthen the introduction and conclusion to clearly delineate your position.
Task Achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your arguments effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The basic structure of introduction, body, and conclusion is present, which is a good foundation for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
What to do next:
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