IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 era, humans see advertising everywhere so it has impacts on factors of purchasing , whether it is beneficial or a drawback .
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This
Change preposition
In this
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 essay I will writing to expand on the reason for advertisements. Some people believe that advertising encourages us to waste money on not value stuff. The first reason,
the
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is the
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 behaviour of a person who loves discount prices or promotions
for example
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cloth's
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clothes
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 store
in
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apply
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every December will have a Black Friday, and they have to buy one get one or
discount
Correct article usage
a discount
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 of 30% if they buy a minimum of $1000.
This
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 will attract you to pay more than your necessities.
On the other hand
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, advertisements show unseen objects that you have never seen before
such
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 as new gadgets and environmentally friendly products. The present technology is very important to the universe, we can approach the internet all the
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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 we actually see the advertising anywhere for an instant, I see an automatic ironing machine from
Correct article usage
a
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similar
brands
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brand
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 that I used iron before on the sky train's board . The
machine
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machine is
machine was
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 able to manage several clothes at the same
time
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 so it can decrease the
time
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 of housework. So we have more
time
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 with family or improve the skills to use in the future. In conclusion, the advertisement may waste more
budgets
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budget
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 but we will gain more one thing.
However
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, it can open the world to others.
Thus
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 , in my opinion, I believe advertising has more advantages than disadvantages. It helps people to know
development
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the development
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 of the world.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introduction. State your position more explicitly to guide the reader on what to expect in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical correctness and spelling mistakes throughout the essay, especially in areas where clarity is crucial (e.g., 'cloth's store' should be 'clothing store').
task achievement
Ensure your examples directly support your points and expand on how advertising impacts consumer habits or lifestyles. Connecting your examples clearly to your arguments enhances the overall coherence.
task achievement
You made a good attempt to present both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Some examples are relevant and illustrate your points, such as the automatic ironing machine; this adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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